So I was sitting about reading over spicy food restaurants in the city, I came across a chicken wing joint selling wings that boast a Scoville rating of 850,000. For reference a jalapeno is between 2,500 and 8,000 Scoville units. So naturally being a hot food connoisseur I had to go and try these. The joint in question serving up the heat is Duff's Famous Wings, with 2 locations 1 near Bayview and Eglington, and the other near College and Bathurst. The wing sauce, Armageddon. Now I suppose it must make me a bit of a masochist to go in expecting to shed tears of blood, sweat, fear, and agony, only to repeat later at home from another region while ridding myself of the vile neon orange sauce.
Upon arrival to the Bayview location, we were seated near the middle of the crowded restaurant. The waitress came by and to her apparent dismay I ordered up a batch of Armageddon. To which I was promptly ID'd for my choice of wing sauce. After carefull inspection of my ID and contemplation if I was old enough to make a conscious decision over what I ingest she moved on to attempt to talk me out of my choice. After realizing I was clearly determined to torture myself, and my further refusal to get the sauce on the side, she placed my order. Some time later after some confusion on my dining mates part of the difference between blue cheese and dill sauce our main course of beer and intestinal destruction arrived.
While not appearing to be anything out of the ordinary in terms of hot wings I began to indulge. After my first wing my mouth was warm but nothing unbearable. As it was to appear throughout my journey of wings I was to notice an inconsistency in the house, which is to say some wings had lots of pepper seeds and skin, whilst others just lathered in sauce thus making some considerably hotter then others. Finish my meal mearly out of pride and potential self loathing my mouth was burnt out, my once empty stomach clearly unhappy with me, and I was left a little dizzy.
After a nights sleep I awoke to visit to the toilet, and ladies and gents of the Internet community, let me tell you, I could swear I heard a mariachi band covering Johnny Cash's 'Ring of Fire' in the next room. So here I sit 2 days later final recovered and looking forward to my next spicy outing.
-Your self destructive narrator bidding you farewell for now.