Chapter 2: I've Got Those Hard Travellin Blues

With breakfast consumed, beer and 6$ sparkling wine in tow, it was back to the open road.

The gps was set. We finally worked our way out of Gatlinburg to the interstate. And with the faintest remainder of a buzz, it was time to consume yet again.





Ah the times that were had. Laughs abounded, the occasional punch thrown, a slew of empty bottles lining the floor, and the odd man out (passed out that is). But all good things must come to an end, as did our first 12 case. Clearly it was time to leave the interstate and seek a refill station (and not for gas either).

Now, well within the confines of Alabama, the deep south. We entered the small dingy gas station for our bevies. We grabbed a few giant cans of tequila cocktail, and another 12 pack. Whilst on our way out we couldn't help but notice a stand of take away fast food items. We decided to indulge. Whilst not usually one to trust food in a gas station, it looked too good to pass up. They had a large assortment of foods available (all fried of course), fried chicken, deep fried Shish Kebab, fried sausage, country fried steak, and the like. Myself and Billy ordered some fried chicken.


Mmmmm. Who the hell would have thought that what could possibly be some of the best fried chicken I've ever eaten, would have been purchased from a gas station! A fucking gas station! Far-fucking-out man.

And with that delicious meal in us, and good deal more booze, it was back to open road. We cruised down the interstate for another good few hours before seeing a sign for a scenic overlook.

We decided it was time to stop.

What a relaxing hillside. It was hugely refreshing to be outside the car, sittin down, havin a smoke and another tall tequila beverage. At least it was... until...

Is that you yelling surprise Bill?

Shit despite what you may argue mate, I'm fairly certain thats still considered rape.

Time for vengeance!

Ah fuckery what have I gotten myself into now...

Ah shit, I really did it that time...

Run! Fuckin' Run!

Hm, well such as Johnny Cash in the Cocaine Blues, I made a good run, but I ran too slow...

God damn that hurt.



Ya ya, alright no hard feelings.... ya rapist cunt.

And with that, it was back to the road... at least till we found a gas station for another 12 pack.

After a few hours, plenty of beers, and quite possibly another stop off for another 12 pack, it was little wonder that a lower Alabama piss break was imminent. With that in mind we pulled into the nearest rest stop. A very scenic rest area, lush trees, and no shortage of greenery.

After enjoying a ciggy or two a few bottles, and at least two or three piss breaks, it was back on the way.

After several hours of driving further, countless more beers, piss stops, beer stops, gas stops, smoke stops, spills in the car, pass outs and the like, we reached Jackson Mississippi.

Apparently, unannounced to all of us (or perhaps just most of us), Jackson is a dead city, nothing open even as early as 10pm. Not a pub, a pharmacy, convenience store or the like. We did at least manage to secure lodging for the evening. We unloaded the beer mobile, unpacked in our room, grabbed a few brewskies, and a litre of vodka, and it was to the streets! With not a soul on the street (unless you count the shavings of bacon driving around), it was nothing but myself, Anton, Billy, the booze, and good conversation. We progressed around the streets seeing bits of the town here and there, and guzzling vodka. We then progressed into a constant worsening state. Eventually we ended up infront of a historic building with cannon's and large church like bells on the lawn. A few plaks, several hedges.

After nearly finishing the vodka, Billy approached the bell. Returning with a look of dissappointment that it didn't work.

I took a gander over myself, reached in and slammed the clapper to the bell wall. Boy did that fucker work after all, a loud resonating clang echoed throughout the city. Well lads, time to call it a night I'd say.

After a small black out period towards the end of the evening, I awoke back in the hotel. All limbs still functioning, no missing appendages, no signs of being arrested, all the lads still around. We enjoyed a complimentary all you can eat hot breakfast, and had a chat with the hotel concierge. After breakfast, and of course a beer or two, it was back into the car, and on to Baton Rouge.

The moral?

1968, Johnny Cash "I'm goin' to Jackson"

2011, Tim "Let's get the fuck out of Jackson"

Stick around folks, next time we answer the age old question; "What happens when a Canadian, a Kiwi, a Belarussian, and an Irish woman walk into a bar?"

(Jackson pictures were taken courtesy of Denise, the morning after the shenanigans, whilst I was in bed sleeping off my hangover - or attempting to at least)

Chapter 1: The Open Road

It was a particularly bright Monday April Morning (I know this very well as I was quite hungover at the time and nearly blinded) when myself and 4 companions loaded our gear into a rental car.


Whilst we had some delays, particularly our Kiwi counterpart forgetting his passport and home, and us having to back track for it (yes, thats right, it had nothing to do with my being an hour late and still drunk). After all delays had passed, and remaining hold ups rectified, it was onward and upward, out of dreary rainy (and just the previous night - snowy) Toronto. Headed for the warm and sunny, hot and sticky, land of booze and debauchery; New Orleans. First stop? Tennessee.

We pulled the fuck outta dodge, and were on our way from Toronto with great speed. Tennessee being approximately 13 hours from Toronto, a late start, and a non stop rain storm made getting there at all within one day to be a very ambitious goal. A goal that would only become more ambitious when paired with volatile driving conditions, an obscene amount of rainfall, the occasional thunderstorm and frequent pit stops.

Eventually somewhere in West Virginia, we pulled away for supper. Nothing fancy, nothing fantastic, just some side of the interstate Pizza Hut. How ever even in its mediocrity, Pizza Hut can have some wonders left for the weary traveler. A few bottles of beer, and some cheap dirty fast food, have seldom been so welcomed. And with the bill wrapped up, and a fairly lengthy chat with our local southern waitress about life in the south (which sounded almost stereotypical), it was back on the old dusty.

Finally with some good weather - no rain and warm air - windows down and fully bellies, things were back on the up and up. This of course lasted about 20 minutes till the weather conditions well back to shit, with some of the worst rain we'd seen all day. Now also facing the inevitable darkness of nightfall to boot. However amusement was still to be had, and interesting sights were to be seen. Such as the town of Hookersville, seemingly comprised of nothing but 2 gentlemens clubs across the interstate from one another. Needless to say I haven't been awake nights in deep contemplation as to how the town was named.

Now with darkness surrounding us, and terenchal rains slapping down on top of us, a certain somber befell us. We all knew what must be done. It was time to get beer! And with great speed we were off to fill our bellies with cheap, stale, gas station beer (barring the driver of course). And with new found spirits and just crossing the border into Tennessee, it was happy days again.

About an hour and a half we finally made our destination in Tennessee.

We wasted no time unloading the nights spread on the table.

From left to right; 2 litres of absolute vodka, 1 litre of Jim Beam Black, 1 litre of Lambs Navy Rum 75% (150 proof). Needless to say, it was a sloppy night with little sleep, and dirty feelings of shame on a liquor clouded mind. Ah fuck it, nothin a jaunty jig can't fix.




Ah now thats better. Now to see the town of Gatlinburg, followed by a gas station for the proper cure (beer and sparklin wine anyone?).

With a brief breakfast at a ihop, it was to get booze and hit the road. Another fairly ambitious day, goal, Jackson Mississippi.

Next up, part 2: I've got those hard travellin blues.

Special thanks to Denise Hughes and Anton Smolski for use of there photos, as well as Billy if the fucker ever uploads them for use!

Utopia Bar and Grill

In the fleeting few days I spent in Montreal I managed to make several aqcuintanceships. A very refreshing reminder of the good side of hosteling. It couldn't have come at better time as next month me and some friends are due to hit the streets of the big easy and will be hosteling it all the way.

One such acquaintance found himself in Toronto some time after Montreal. He got in touch and the only day we could co-ordinate to hangout was one where I had work in the afternoon. So we decided lunch. I picked what I felt would be a good representation of Canadian food, as well as being reasonably priced, and centrally located. So with that we were off to Utopia.

We arrived at Utopia around 1pm with the clock ticking for my impending work schedule. After sometime spent looking over the fairly lengthy menu, we decided on some burgers. Never having had Bison meat before, I recommended it to Geoff (who was just as unfirmilliar with the animal itself). So we both got Bison, he had his plain, I opted for the one smothered in onions, mushrooms, and swiss cheese.

Served with a large portion of fresh thick cut chips. All in all a satisfying meal at 12 or so dollars. Unfortunately there is only so much I can say for taste as at the time I was quite ill and had lost all sense of taste. Geoff however was very pleased and said its something he looked forward to being able to eat again. And really, how can you go wrong with a bison burger anyhow?

Afterwards we took a stroll into Kensington Market and dropped by The Last Temptation pub for a few pints. We downed a couple pitchers, and with that it was good luck back to Australia, and off to work.

Quick Eats With Left Over Curry Chicken

Last week I made off a big batch of Curry Chicken. Nothing special, a very quick effort to use up chicken thighs before they went off. Feeling relatively lazy last night while rummaging for supper, I found a few ingredients and threw them together.

I started by toasting a pita. I then topped it with yogurt, mango chutney, and banana slices.

Whilst toasting and topping my pita I heated some curry chicken. I then added it to the pita.

I wrapped it up and enjoyed! All my favorite flavours (minus the rice) of curry chicken as a wrap. Lovely.

So for anyone who has some lingering curry chicken lying around and looking for a quick bite, give it a go.

Winterlicious 2011

Well I'll start by saying these reviews will be entirely text based. I came to each Winterlicious meal with camera in tow, however at each I forgot to remove it upon checking my coat.

For those not based in Toronto, or familiarly with it, Winterlicious is one of two city wide culinary events held within certain participating restaurants within Toronto. The other being Summerlicious. Each lasting 2 weeks.

So far this year I have been for one lunch and one dinner. I am set to go to one on Thursday, however after hearing a disastrous review of their Winterlicious dinner, I am inclined to save my 45$ and dine somewhere other then Sassafraz.

For lunch I went to Fuzion. A small restaurant located on church street, in between Bloor and Wellesley. Offering a 3 course meal at 20$ per lunch and 35$ per dinner, and the exact same menu offered for each, it seemed lunch was only logical.

For my first course I ordered the chocolate glazed side ribs with habanero mojo. The dish arrived within 7 minutes or so. The presentation was gorgeous, the concept excellent, and the execution poor. The ribs them selves were luke warm, the meat was relatively tough. Worst of all was even dipped in the habanero and pineapple concoction, it was all near flavourless.

For the second course I ordered the venison osso buco. The mains took maybe 10 minutes of finishing the aps to reach the table. I must say, this was truly a hit in my books. Served with a small section of marrow bone, on top of a cauliflower puree, and a juniper berry game sauce. The sauce delicious, the marrow, great, and the meat itself tender, and very flavourful.

For dessert I had the Clementine Mousse. It was served with a blood orange slice atop a bit of sauce/compote, with some sort of dessert stick accompaniment. Whilst maintaining a nice flavour, I did not entirely appreciate the texture of the frozen mousse. The dessert stick was tough and lacking in any real depth, all in all just another unpleasant texture.

The verdict? Well short of first and last courses, it was a great meal. And with a 20$ price tag, I wouldn't have too much trouble recommending it based sheerly on main courses.

For the dinner, I attended Lai Toh Heen, located on Mt. Pleasant, just south of Eglington. They boasted 2 different menus. One at 35$ and another at 45$, whilst no noteable difference at first glance, upon closer inspection the 45$ gave you 1 extra piece of dim sum with your first course, and the ability to have 2 smaller portioned mains. Deciding to for go my usual alcoholic beverage with my meal, I compensated by ordering the 45$ meal.

First to arrive were the appetizers, I ordered the deep fried jumbo prawn. However my jumbo prawn was to arrive at the table in form of cream of chicken and mushroom soup. I quickly pointed out their mistake and awaited my appetizer.

Whilst waiting for the re-emergence of my first course, the second course of dim sum arrived. Consisting of a deep fried tofu brick on a stick, a dungeness crab meat dumping, and a shrimp sui mei, served with garlic infused soy sauce. All where tasty with pleasant textures, albeit the tofu lacked flavour.

Whilst half way through my dim sum, my appetizer made its second appearance in proper form this time. A hulking, lightly battered prawn, with small lightly battered pieced of asparagus, served with two types of hot sauce. Whilst not the most complex dish in all of creation, it certainly was tasty.

After maybe 15 minutes if not longer the mains showed up to the table. Better late then never. I had the wok baked lobster accompanied with the diced beef tenderloin topped with pan seared foie gras. The beef was tossed in a sweet tomato sauce, and the lobster in garlic sauce. The lobster was a portion of half a lobster, minus the claw (my dining companion who ordered the cheaper 35$ meal received lobster a la claw). The portion of lobster containing basically only half a tail, somehow felt skimpy to me. The beef portion consisted of maybe 10 cubes of 1" by 1" beef, topped with a thin slice of foie gras. The beef portion I felt was significantly more plentiful then that of the lobster. As for taste, the lobster was ever so slightly tough, and damn near impossible to remove from the shell, but fortunatly did not taste over cooked. The beef was very tasty, tender, not fully cooked, in a sweet, but not sickeningly sweet sauce. The foie gras was a nice accompaniment.

The fourth course arrived not to long after, consisting of truffle scented noodles with scallop. It also contained slices of king oyster mushroom. There is something said for keeping things simple, theres something else to be said about keeping things too simple. Which is more or less where I stood on this dish. Whilst tasty, I could not help but feel bored and underwhelmed by this dish after consuming a few mouthfuls.

The last course, dessert, arrived fairly quickly after finishing the noodles. The dessert consisted of 3 small treats, a heart shaped mango cream, a brownie from senses bakery, and a deep fried sesame ball. The mango cream tasted like, well, mango, thumbs up. The brownie topped with chocolate sauce and an almond was very rich, and with a fairly small portion managed to be the right amount of rich chocolate flavour for my tastes. Finally the sesame ball, crisp exterior, gooey interior, and a good amount of flavour, another winner.

Thoughts? All in all a good meal, I would recommended it, not highly, but as a place to sit down, and enjoy Chinese food loaded with high end ingredients.

Lion Tacos

So as some of you may have heard, there has been some controversy going on surrounding a Tuscon Arizona Taco Bars decision to serve Lion Tacos. Recently the owner has retracted his decision to serve the bizarre tacos due to a numerous amount of threats received. Not unlike threats that bombard other restaurants serving controversial meats (seal meat restaurants being a prime example). Now whilst I in no way advocate poaching animals from the wild, killing them and selling them for any purpose including meat (however I am more likely to let meat slide then the likes of skins), this only pertains to animals that are considered vulnerable or worse mind you. I am all for hunting for FOOD. I do not support hunting as mere sporting activity. However, as I am to understand, the particular lions in question for use in the tacos, were being bred on a farm in California for just that purpose. So I ask you this, if the lions being used are being bred for the shear point of slaughter as a food source, how are these tacos any different then that of your regular cattle taco? I could understand being upset from the point of strict veganism, from someone who is against the slaughter of any animal for food, but for your average joe, it just seems hypocritical. As for me, I'll have a lion taco please. As for you? Well thats for you to decide, and feel free to leave your opinion here.