The Devil's Delight

Gumbo - The Smell of Nostalgia

2012-01-14T13:00:00.000-08:00

Well as time passes, and memories fade into obscurity, I can often find comfort in waxing nostalgic over photo's of days long gone. In this particular case I have been longing for the liquor soaked blurred streets of New Orleans. With all the smells, tastes, and visual splendors. Its warm climate, hospital people, and never ending cycle of alcohol abuse and places to dance. So I decided to take comfort at home, and enjoy on of the New Orleans treats. Which also so happens to be a good hearty cure for the Canadian Winter Blues.

So lets rattle off the ingredients shall we;

Roux
1/2 cup veg oil
3/4 cup all purpose flour

Ingredients
3-4 Andouille Sausage (or other smoked spicy sausage)
1 lb shrimp
4 bone in skin on chicken thighs (deboned, skinned, and diced)
3 celery ribs
1 green pepper
2 medium yellow onions
4 cloves garlic
3 tbs creole seasoning
2 bay leaves
2 L chicken stock
Hot sauce and Worcestershire sauce to taste
File Powder to taste

So lets make the roux. In a deep pot, heat the oil. Once hot, add your flour. Whiskey for about 10 minutes.

Your aiming for a colour slightly darker then that of milk chocolate.

Once your roux is ready, lets begin to cook the meat and veg. Add the chicken, sausage and all the vegetables. Cook until the vegetables are soft.

Now lets add the herbs, the chicken stock, and the chicken skin and bones. This is going to cook for approximately 2 hours.

Once nice and thick, add the shrimp, hot sauce, File Powder and Worcestershire.

Once the shrimp are cooked, its ready to be served. Take care to not over cooked the shrimp. Serve on a bed of rice, I use basmati. You can also feel free to garnish with parsley and/or green onions.

The File powder can be substituted for okra when in season.

A delicious meal for a winter day, or summer day a like. And whilst eating it, I may reminisce of days of cocktails, staggers, and brass bands, not even a tasty gumbo can take me back to the streets of the big easy.

A Public Service Advisory - The C-Lounge

2012-01-03T20:28:00.001-08:00

Whilst during a pleasant evening out myself and my friends made a trip to C-Lounge. Whilst by no means my 'cup of tea', my typical evening haunt, not my local, not a place I would normally so much as cross the street to spit on. However, after one too many beverages, the worst of ideas can seem like the greatest. So we landed in, and continued our revelry. Eventually after returning from a cigarette, I could see a confrontation brewing between a friend of mine and the security. The confrontation which I would find out would be as trivial, as my friend trying to defend his right to remain in the establishment, after ANOTHER patron had pushed him. The offending patron, more then likely friends of the security. Within a short amount of the time annoyed security upped the anti and called for back up. Suddenly myself and my friend were swarmed by upward of 8 bouncers. Whilst being thrown out, I was thrown down a flight of stairs on to concrete, kicked down the road, and inevitably kicked in the head. My friend received a sprained wrist. I ended up receiving 5 stitches, and my back has been sore for months.

Now I implore you, does this sound like rational treatment? Considering, I had done nothing but wait for my friend as he explained his circumstance, to people who neither cared nor wanted to hear it. To people willing to react to harsh violence at the drop of a hat. To use gang mentality to a T. Now whilst stories of abuse of power are a dime a dozen (by anyone with power to abuse, this particular case bouncers), I hope this helps convince you to avoid the C-Lounge, and falling victim to these pre-historic minded assholes.

I beg of you, do not end up like me. Do not attend the C-Lounge. Lets face it, good security or bad, its still a shit hole anyway.

One for Poland - Pierogi

2011-12-06T20:08:00.001-08:00

Ah pierogi, a simple, delicious, and frustratingly time consuming meal. For all the simplicities of the dish, dough, potato, cheese, it does take a pain staking amount of time.

For this recipe I used;

Filling:
6 large Yukon potatoes
2 heads roasted garlic
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup cream
2-3 cups shredded cheddar cheese
Optional:
Diced herbs to taste, such as; chives or green onion

Dough:
3 cups flour
1 egg
3/4 cup milk

1 tsp salt

Topping:
2 large onions
8 pieces bacon
1 tbs butter

Start by making the dough, don't over knead, and allow 20 minutes to sit. Whilst allowing the dough to sit, start making the filling. Start by peeling and dicing the potatoes, then add them to boiling salted water. Once soft, drain the potatoes and place back in pot. Add the remaining ingredients and mix thoroughly till all the cheese is melted.

With filling ready, begin to roll out the dough. Once approximately 1/3 cm thick, begin to cut into circles, preferably with a cookie cutter of appropriate size. Add one large tbs off filling to the centre and fold over. After all the filling has been used begin boiling a pot of water.

Julienne the onions, and dice the bacon. Melt the butter in a frying pan, and add the bacon, once half cooked add the onions.

Once the waters boiled add the Pierogies until they float and then remove.

After cooking all the pierogies, remove the topping from the pan, and add the pierogies to the remaining fat and butter, cook until golden brown.

Once fried, plate, add plenty of topping, and serve with sour cream.

A very tasty meal, but for the amount of work, something I will be serving only once in a blue moon.

The Story of the Fabled City of New Orleans

2011-12-06T18:23:00.001-08:00

Just a recap of all 7 parts of our trip to Nola.

Chapter 1: The Open Road
http://thedevilsdelight.blogspot.com/2011/04/part-1-open-road.html
Chapter 2: I've Got Those Hard Travelling Blues
http://thedevilsdelight.blogspot.com/2011/04/chapter-2-ive-got-those-hard-travellin.html
Chapter 3: A Canadian, a Kiwi, a Belarussian, and a Irish Woman Walk Into a Bar...
http://thedevilsdelight.blogspot.com/2011/04/chapter-3-canadian-kiwi-belarussian-and.html
Chapter 4: A Bigger Pain in the Ass Than a Bad Case of Hemorrhoids
http://thedevilsdelight.blogspot.com/2011/09/chapter-4-bigger-pain-in-ass-than-bad.html
Chapter 5: Where the Wild Things Are
http://thedevilsdelight.blogspot.com/2011/09/chapter-5-where-wild-things-are.html
Chapter 6: Don't Be Feckin With My Irish Whiskey
http://thedevilsdelight.blogspot.com/2011/09/chapter-6-dont-be-feckin-with-my-irish.html
Chapter 7: Home for a Rest
http://thedevilsdelight.blogspot.com/2011/11/chapter-7-home-for-rest.html

Chapter 7: Home for a Rest

2011-11-01T22:27:00.000-07:00

The journey back to Toronto was a bizarre spectacle, every bit as bizarre as the trip down, just less enjoyable. On the journey down, we got to watch as trees grew life, as sky's cracked blue, and as the breeze turned from fridged to warm. On the miserable return, we watched trees die, the sky fade from blue to grey, and the breeze go from carrying a warm caress to a deathly chill.

We passed many cities, and sights on the return but stopped infrequently. On one such stop while still in the dirty south, Billy discovered fountain pops so large they require handles on the lids.

Later on that night we called it a night in Kentucky, grabbed a motel, and some take out white castle.

Whilst having been curious to try white castle since the film (harold and kumar go to white castle that is) I admit I was vastly disappointed, and also curious as to how much White Castle paid to have their shitty hamburgers advertised in the film.

Of all sights on the return trip, non were as strange, and frightening as driving through Detroit near the border. A decrepit town reminiscent of post apocalyptic imagery. Cracked buildings, black bags covering stop lights that were broken and hanging on by a thread to the posts. There were children of no more then 13 years of age pan handling on and off of freeway rampways. It was a dirty feeling, but left me happy to be back in Canada, at least for a fleeting time.

After returning to Canada, we said our fair wells to one another. Anton returned to Sudbury, and to his day to day. Billy went to his fraternity like house, and later returned to New Zealand, Denise returned home where she would later receive her 2nd year Canadian Visa. I met Michael and Anthony and went on the piss for another week!

So in the end, whilst I spent weeks researching things to do and planning out our trip, we managed to do quite little. And despite the fading feeling of irritation that the work I had put in inevitably felt wasted, I would not have done this trip differently. The most important thing to remember when travelling with a group folks, is that co-operation, and compromise are key (they aren't half bad life ideals either). And you will know in life you are in truly great company, that when you can practise, sacrifice, co-operation, and compromise, when despite not getting your way, or doing the opposite of what you wish to do, that you still feel completely content and fulfilled. I'd like to take a moment to thank my 3 friends and travelling companions (yes that's right, THREE), it would not have been the same done differently, or with other people. And a special thanks to Denise, without you, we probably would have died in a firey wreck in Pennsylvania. I'd wish a final toast to those at whom we met and are acquainted with from the India House Hostel, who we shared drink, laughter, and happy days. Here's to those whom are in my heart and never far from mind, local and foreign alike, Cheers, Slainte, Na Zdrovia, Salute.

On a final note, after god only knows how many days of drinking, upon finally reaching home, I wrote this little ditty.

The 12 Days of Drinking

(Sung of course to the 12 days of Christmas)

On the final day of drinking my doctor gave to me -
Sever liver damage
Several stomach ulcers
A bad brain hemorrhage
Two black eyes
Nineteen staples
Cirrhosis of the liver
Intestinal bleeding
Multiple antibiotics
And a four week hospital stay!

(and lets not forget gratitude towards socialized health care!)

Chapter 6: Don't Be Feckin' With My Irish Whiskey!

2011-09-28T15:47:00.000-07:00

Well there we were, Friday evening. Undoubtedly after another day spent lazing around the hostel, drinking bottles to no end. With only a meagre two days till the trek back to Toronto, it was time to get back into the thick of it.

First stop off the trolley was supper. After a few disappointing closures, we ended up in the nearest place that looked nice and would seat us. And whilst technically closed, our kind waiter convinced the kitchen to crank out one more meal.

Our drinks arrived promptly, Sazeracs for the boys.

And a hurricane for Denise.

We split an order of the crab and crawfish balls for an appetizer.

Anton elected the gumbo to start.

I don't recall the name of Billy's extravagant main, but it was effectively a chicken breast, topped with a crab cake, topped with 2 grilled shrimp.

Denise had the Jambalaya Pasta.

I opted for the Crawfish Etouffee.

And Antone the mix seafood platter, containing catfish, oysters, shrimp, crab cake, and a softshell crab.

With dinner digesting it was time to move on to the old night out. First stop Molly's Bar. With the sign outside truly unique to New Orleans, that I can never get enough of; Drinks to go! The 5.50$ Irish Car Bombs didn't hurt my feelings any either.

After drowning in a few here we moved on next door to a hard rock bar.

Unable to shake the over filling from dinner, and failing to really gain any form of inebriation, we stumbled back to the hostel. We were greeted by a fair group of our international party goers. We stayed up chatting till the wee hours and then clambered to bed.

Bright eyed and refreshed Saturday morning, we were 4 people on a mission. To hell or intoxication! We took a short stroll to take in the sights before taking the trolley back into town.

Once back in town we went for the river walk.

It wasn't long however till talk of ice cream daqueri's came up, and before you knew it we were lined up to get our share.

After which we finally ended up taking in some of the French Quarter Festival. First off was Crepes with Goat Cheese and Crawfish Sauce. And of course copious amounts of dirty hurricanes and abita beer.

More Hurricanes and an Oyster Spinach dip.

We set our sights on The French Market for lunch. To wet the whistle it was Louisiana Lemonades, a rum strawberry lemonade. Absolutely delicious.

We split an order of the fried alligator.

An order of the crawfish and jambalaya.

After another serious feed and several more lemonades, we went to browse the market.

While browsing the market we discovered double vodka sweet teas. This folks, would be our ruin. After downing a few of these tasty beverages we went to the international stage to see our local happy pals perform.

One Toby Hughes

Kate and Chloe

And the happy pals

A great afternoon, marred only by losing my friends post show. After stumbling around on my own for sometime, I made trail back to the hostel.

Shortly after arriving I found quite the sight back in the room.

Oh my.

Ah Denise you lapsed catholic!

In the end we ended up spending another night sitting around the hostel. Most of it resulting in me talking pure shit to the fraternity variety of idiot after one too many. I seem to recall having them convinced that by Canadian federal law we are only aloud to listen to French country music (with lyrics regarding such relevant topics as mimes, and red wine) and predominantly speak only French within the country. Once again for peace of mind, idiots.

We decided to take a relaxed Sunday, and do a few touristy things, a bit of shopping and the like.

We also got to take in a bit more of the festival.

As well as taken another gander through the constantly busy French Quarter.

After some time spend wandering we went back to the hostel to drop off our stuff and find a grocery. We spend a fair bit of time wandering the grocery, and I left after spending about 80$ on hot sauce. I also claimed a 6 pack of beer, a litre of Elmer T Lee Bourbon, and myself and Billy grabbed a package of sausage each.

And not your garden variety sausage either.

Pork and Alligator

and a spicy pork and crawfish

With the wonderful use of the hostel BBQ, I went to work.

The sausages were delicious, and very filling. As excited as I was for the alligator, I must say, I think I preferred the spicy crawfish. Unable to eat them all, we offered the leftovers around to our fellow backpackers.

Shortly after, our group was reunited in its entirety. Plus new additions that had been met along the way.

Anna

and Joe

As one big happy family, we made trail for Finn McCools Irish Pub. A Northern (Irish) owned pub, within reasonable distance from our hostel.

Upon entering we were introduced to some locally brewed, Nola stout, and likewise locally distilled Irish whiskey - Feckin Irish Whiskey. Myself and Billy had 1 stout and 1 shot each. I can't even impart how morbidly awful each beverage was. One more vile then the other, combining the flavours to make an even more loathsome sickening flavour to invade your now morose palate. I've said it once, and Ill say it again; Don't be feckin with my Irish Whiskey!!!

We sat and passed the late hours, drinking, chatting, and blaring red hot chili peppers on the juke. It was a night to remember, despite most of us not being able to.

Goodnight New Orleans. Ill see you in my dreams.

Chapter 5: Where the Wild Things Are

2011-09-28T11:17:00.001-07:00

With finally an early night in, and a lack of stone blind inebriation the previous night, we were all able to rise and do a day of activity. We were set to see the swamps. We gathered our gear, and made trail.

We stopped by along the way to take in local architecture.

In this case a large row of buildings of catholic origin.

After some minor sight seeing, we headed with good speed for the swamps.

Fascinating place. Wildlife everywhere. Of course, we didn't have long in the wildlife preserve before we had to leave again to head the due opposite direction to catch our swamp tour.

Still enough time to catch a few tree frogs.

As we blazed down the free way we saw some incredible structures. Buildings raised straight up in the air, presumably to cope with the change of tide.

Although what they do about there vehicles. Maybe its more for sake of flooding or their infamous hurricanes.

After driving ages, and nearly passing straight by the damn place, we found our tour destination.

Low and behold, what would we see as entering our tour boat? None other then a gator surfaced just feet from us.

The tour continued with promise of snakes, gators, turtles, and all sorts of wild life. In the end, short of our first gator encounter, I think we managed to see all of 2 turtles.

However the sights, smells, and ability to watch Denise freak out about the prospect of snakes jumping into the boat managed to prove entertaining enough.

Eventually we found structures at the side of the bayou. Even a few young'ins (excuse my cajun), I guess people really are born on a bayou.

This was our ships captain, can't recall his name, he was very southern though. VERY Southern.

We eventually came across dilapidated buildings that seem to have been abandoned wreckage from Katrina.

As we got into a wide open straight, the captain offered up the wheel. I couldn't resist.

The tour ended, and the hostel group split back to Nola. Myself and my crowd of brigands headed for more scenery.

We ended up at the gulf. Yes, the famously, and freshly ravaged gulf of Mexico. Not that I remember it being remarkably, clean or pleasant to swim in before the oil spill.

Still a feast for the senses.

Myself and Billy not the lads satisfied with the well travelled tourist side of life, decided later we would find a real swamp. We drove out to a local nature preserve near the Big Easy. We arrived, stopped into the information cabin to suss out what they had to offer. We were given a map of the area, and explicitly told not to bother the wildlife.

It wasn't long into our trek before it became apparent that this would be far less touristy then the swamp tour, as almost immediately we were seeing skinks, geckos, snakes, and more.

This little gecko was the first we would encounter. Although he was far surpassed by the skink that ran up my arm when I stopped to lean on a post. He nearly became a permanent addition to our ranks as I couldn't for the life of my get him off me. Eventually after removing him from my hair, we proceeded.

In just a short distance we countered our first snakes.

After a good trek we made it into a more swampy area or the preserve. And it didn't take long till we encountered our first gator.

It was seeing this little fellow that had the reptile enthusiast in me debating forgoing the park rangers instructions. I did reluctantly try and pick the wee guy up, but it scurried off very quickly. And for those of you thinking it was a stupid thing to do, hey, I got the medical insurance for a reason.

The next one we would come across was a little larger, and a lot further out then I was comfortable attempting any manoeuvres with.

We continued on through majestic viewpoints.

Well of all the treks I've taken, this certainly was more unique then I'm used to. What an amazing place the swamp is. From the flora to the fauna and back again, a very diverse and beautiful world.

Next on the chopping block, Chapter 6: Don't Be Feckin' With My Irish Whiskey!

Chapter 4: A Bigger Pain in the Ass Than A Bad Case of Hemorrhoids

2011-09-18T19:57:00.000-07:00

As it has come to my attention that I will be unable to receive Billys photos from New Orleans for sometime, I will be continuing the story in the mean time with a few holes in the story.

Ah the passage of time. Amazing how with just the simple flow of time one can go from feeling on top of the world to a comparable state to that of a decaying carcass in a mere few hours. By this of course I am referring to the state in which I awoke on what would have been the fourth morning of trip, and my 6th consecutive hangover.

As my comrades staggered out of bed and straight onto vodka shots and beer bottles, I elected to writhe morosely in bed till the ungodly hour of 10 in the morning. After a while I pulled my ready to flatline body out of bed, and following a short stint sitting by the pond, I joined by brothers with bottles.

After a quick chat, and a new addition to our ranks (space turtle steve, or what ever the fuck his name was) we decided to head for lunch. As tempting as it seemed to get completed hammered at the bright early hours, my body was feeling far too taxed.

Until I found out Margaritas and Mojitos were in laying wait!

We ordered up a mexi feast. Burritos, fish tacos, and all the other main culprits such as nachos and the like arrived. A tasty feast, although I was still a bit too hungover to really stuff my face.

After lunch we decided to take a stroll through a place I clearly felt (and looked) like I belonged... the cemetery.

Yes the famous New Orleans (general Louisiana) cemetery's. Renowned for their above ground graves. Graves being erected above ground due to Louisiana having a high water table, apparently if you put a casket in a hole dug a few feet down it will literally float. Bizarre no? The resulting product though is a series of beautifully constructed tombs.

I did eventually, or perhaps even inevitably crack and decide it was beer time.

After a while it was back to the hostel to freshen up and see all the lovely people. Including everyone's favourite Lindy Hoppers, Leah, Daniela, and some bloke I never met, or maybe just didn't care to remember.

Still feeling rough under New Orleans heated humid sun, a swim was in order.

***MISSING REEL (er... picture)***
Well it would be this stage of the story I would have showed you picture to tease and tantalize you of a delicious supper we ate, but they are flying over the pacific ocean at the moment.

So we dined. Finally on some god damn Cajun food. Three of us elected to start our meals with a cup of turtle soup! Exciting, something new and exotic. An absolutely delicious dish, that would be eaten again in a heartbeat. The downside? I was so incredibly full after eating a mere small cup, I was sitting in a bad way for my 20$ main course set to arrive momentarily. After a while the mains came out, I had a massive soft shell crab with chips and a garlic gravy type sauce. Anton with the calfs liver, Billy the assorted plate of fried oysters, cat fish, shrimp and other tasty bits, and Denise bringing in the plain unsalted boiled potatoes to suit her very pedestrian Irish palate. Just kidding Denise, I don't actually remember what you ate, shrimp or calamari jump to mind though. All the meals were excellent, I highly recommend the restaurant, to which I don't remember the name of. Sorry.

After dinner there was a consensus, we were all impregnated with food. Bursting at the seems walking back to our hostel. We arrived back to a lively brass band. Drinks abounded, dancing, smiles, pretty girls, and 3 weary travellers so heavily over fed passed out in bed from food exhaustion. Shit.

We did manage to see in a few chats and beverages mind you. Billy was the first to disappear, followed shortly by Denise and myself.

Good night again New Orleans. We'll see you tomorrow for further madness.

Well in closing, whats brown on the outside, a bigger pain in the ass then a bad case of hemorrhoids, and plays the French tromboner? Well if you don't know, then fall to your knees and thank what ever deity you believe in (or in the case of fellow atheists, just crack another beer and be thankful your smart enough to not believe in any deity. Ah shit, I've gone and alienated another audience. Ah well shur, if ya can't take a joke your in the wrong feckin place anyway.), because I do know, and had to put up with it for a good few days to boot! Yes folks, I already took that painful burdening experience so you could only have to read about it. How Christ like of me... Anyway, coming soon to an internet browser near you; Chapter 5: Where the Wild Things Are.

Seafood Feast; Marlin, Shrimp, and Scallops

2011-09-05T12:08:00.000-07:00

Having had the opportunity to try Marlin for the first time at work a few weeks back I gained inspiration to try my hand at cooking it myself.

For the meal I served marinated Marlin steak with Habenero Tartar Sauce, marinated shrimp with ghost pepper cocktail sauce, and mango rum glazed bacon wrapped scallops.

For the Habenero Tartar Sauce

1/2 cup Mayonaise
2-3 Dill pickles minced
a handful of fresh dill
2-3 tablespoons of capers minced
1 Habenero minced
1 Lemon juiced
2 tablespoons brown sugar
Salt and Pepper

For the Ghost Pepper Cocktail Sauce

1/2 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons hot horseradish
1/2 lemon juiced
Ghost pepper sauce to taste (I used Dave's Ghost Pepper Sauce, I wouldn't recommend more the a couple of drops)

For the Mango Rum Sauce

3 Mangos, peeled and diced
1/8 cup cider vinegar
1/4 cup water
2 tablespoons brown sugar

1/4 cup rum

Combine all ingredients in a pot excluding the rum, bring to a boil, and simmer for approximately 20-30 minutes, then puree. Stir in rum.

For the Marinated Marlin Steak

1 Marlin Steak
1 Handful Fresh Dill
6 Cloves Garlic minced
2 Shallots minced
1 Habenero Minced

For the Shrimp

16-20 Jumbo Shrimp
1 Handful of Garlic Cloves
1 Handful of Fresh Basil
1-2 Anahiem Chiles

For the Scallops

12 Scallops
12 Pieces of Bacon
Salt and Pepper
6 Bamboo Skewers

Everything was grilled off on the BBQ.

The only thing I would change would be to leave off the bacon from the scallops while using the mango sauce. The sweet and savoury Didn't play out as well as I had hoped. Everything else was delicious.

A Midsummers Night Piss Up

2011-08-06T16:09:00.000-07:00

Put that in your pipe and smoke it Shakespeare! Midsummers night dream my hole, this is my tale, so shove off ye dusty pile of bones.

And there it was. The sight of the back wall of McVeighs Tavern, following another day of hibition free, indulgement. And the sight of Michaels stupid grin.

Of course with a bus at 6:30am, what's drinking copious amounts of alcohol till all hours of the morning (around 3 or so, to be slightly exact) to a couple booze hounds. With the long stumble to slumber over, and the short slumber over nearly as fast as it started, it was off to the bus terminal. Arriving in good time, we boarded the bus, and in 6 tedious hours we were in Montreal. Still feeling fair shook, it was out of the bus, into the Montreal heat. With suitcases, rugsacks, and backpacks in tow, I was to get my bareings and find the hostel I first stayed at, 6 long years ago. It didn't happen. After approximately 20 minutes of walking the wrong direction (the same mistake I seem to recall making 6 long years ago), we hoped a taxi, said BONJOOR, or some other bastardized french version of hello, spoken particularly loudly (as to ensure our point of hello was made).

Within a few minutes, and a few bones, we were in Old Montreal. We said our MARCI to the the cab driver, in a fashion much like Brad Pitt in Inglorious Basterds, pretending to play an Italian - as Paudi was to point out. We checked in to our hostel, and headed out for lunch.
We ended up at a spot called Gallianos, of which I recalled eating at on my first trip to Montreal. I remembered good food, cheap drink (and food as well). We arrived at they still had the same 3 course meal with 2 dollar glasses of draft. The same soup starter as well.

After a few pints and some fresh baked bread, with some sort of sun dried tomato olive oil vinegar, our soups arrived. Potato leak.

Not a bad soup, thick, hearty, and an over all pleasant taste. Unfortunately I will never get over the texture, a creamy, lumpy, bowl of mush, unfit by textural standards to feed to a pig. However I still ate it.

Up next were main courses. I had... something... pasta something... As you can see the name is eluding me, it was baked rounds of pasta with portabello mushrooms, covered in cheese.

Paudi opted for the fish, with rice and veg.

And Michael the steak pizza.

The pasta was good, albeit a bit too heavy and filling. Paudi took about a bite of the fish and placed his napkin over it. And Michael was fair impressed with the pizza.

The dessert was a fruit compote, on what I recall being baked sweet rice. It was average. All in all though, for 20$ a head, a 3 course meal and 2 glasses isn't a deal I'll bicker with on any given day.

After settling up the bill, and finishing our drafts and cigarettes, it was time for a well needed nap. We got backed and made the decision, a 1 hour nap would do us. Sometime 3 to 4 hours later we awoke. A shit, shower and shave later, it was the boys on the prowl.

First stop - cocktails at La Distillerie. A chain of 3 pubs operation in different districts of Montreal. Now normally, at 20$ a piece for a cocktail, I turn and walk out the door. However here there is a gimick, to make your 20$ go a long way. The cocktails are served in large mason jars, containing about 4-5 shots of liquor. A good way to get things going I must say.

Myself and Paudi landed on the decision of Hurricanes, Michael with the Southern Tart. All the cocktails were extremely well made, and very tasty. And best of all left you near pissed walking out the door!

And yes, their menu has a picture of a monkeys asshole.

After our mason jar cocktails it was on the road to havok and ruin, and death and dismay (the latter two particularly are meant towards our poor, poor livers). We had a quick stop off at some shithole, were we found a drink of particular interest, Ciderman! I can't recall as to why it was of interest, as non of us had one, put theres Michaels ugly mug with it anyway.

After it was on to greener pastures, with a quick drop in to Hurleys Irish pub to mention it to them that we would in fact not drink 8.50$ pints, we went across the road to the Mad Hatter. With 6$ mini pitchers it was a steal.

And me at my best once again. (or possibly just doing a rain man impression)

And wouldn't you know it, before long we were making friends! Friends whom happened to have heads soaked in as much alcohol as our own!

Ah yes Paudi, good call, stronger drinks, because I can coherently remember everything up until this point as is... in fact, I don't actually remember drinking those! Is this picture a rouse?

Must not be, here we are in yet another bar, having more drinks I don't remember.

Theres our new friends... wait who the hells the guy with long hair?

And whos this?

And why does she look so bored with Michaels conversation?

More importantly still, whos this?! And how the hell did someone do that with my camera?

Drink.

Drink.

Drink.

Dance and Drink.

Pountine.

Wait... Pountine? Yes, the Quebec Mcdonalds exclusive poutine! Don't remember eating it, don't remember being in the Mcdonalds, but I do have a receipt and a photograph! Was it good? How the hell should I know?

Ah Michael, always manage to end up with someone at the end of the night. I'm sure he made you every happy, just look at his deep gaze.

Well, that was the night, and then it was the dreaded morning. Which is never easy, harder still on some of us then others (without pointing fingers, or naming names, thats right, I'm pointing and you, Michael, Paudi!). So after I had traversed half of Montreal and back again, waited a few hours, extra, and done a beer run (which at least got Michael out of bed) I had a small bit of company. And with a few drinks in, we were off to the Biodome.

We arrived at the tram in good time, and enjoyed the art at Berri-Uqam.

A short while later we arrived at the Biodome stop.

We stopped into the small cafe for a quick bite as we were all famished. We were welcomed grasiously, with wide open arms by a charming french lad, who would cater to our every whim. Oh wait, it was actually large sweaty, organutangish, brute of a cunt who would man handle our food, look down upon us, and charge us 10$ for a fucking sandwich. But I digress, after all, I am sure he is real happy in his line of work, I wish him the best in the rest of his hopefully short, miserable life. You fat sack of shit.

Yes the winner of a sandwich.... Can I have my 10$ back? Hell I'll settle for my patience back.

All travesties aside, the actual Biodome experience was quite good. Whilst not completely unlike a zoo, it did have its unique features, such as trying to recreate the experience of being within several different climates, and natural regions, all within the same building. We started with the rainforest.

It featured, mammals, reptiles, fish, bats...

Frogs...

Waterfalls, and non-indigenous Irish...

A rather inquisitive bird...

A couple of crocs...

And parrot sex.

And with the passing of a turtle it was on to a more North American feel.

We had porcupines, and ugly fish.

Oh, and Ducks and Paudi.

The polar region was pretty much just penguins and puffins.

After we had finished inside, we moved on to the olympic tower. Basically a half rate CN tower, but its always neat to see a prize view of a new city.

However the ride up was a tad jarring.

With that said and done, we moved on for some proper food. With a fair walk, and a even longer taxi, we ended up at Ma'am Buldoc for some proper poutine.

I had the Veggie, with onions, mushrooms, and green peppers.

Paudi with the onions and bacon.

And Darcy with the Bolognese.

Each one quite good, not a complaint amongst us, short of Paudi and his infamous 2 bite philosophy.

Imposter!

After a good feed, and a yet more brewskies, we made back for the Hostel. After a rather lengthy trek, we managed to not only avoid the temptation to call in somewhere for "one", but we actually found a metro station. We got into the hostel, shower and change, and out! We made for Foufones Electronique.

We arrived and settled into a good many rum and coke, followed by Jager Bombs, and then up stairs for 5$ pitchers.

Which would soon run out, so it was on to 1.75$ bottles.

Ah my lady impressing face! Clearly working magic!

Well it must have done some magic!

After making new companionship, our new friends sadly left, a teary goodbye, and back onto the up stars to see who could make a drunker face on camera then myself. Sadly, I was the winner.

And with that another night met the annals of history. I woke yet another day in my life in the morning, with little memory of the following night. Just a sore head, a sleep deprived disposition, and a foul mood.

With everyone up in record time, we set for lunch. I took the boys out to Schwartz deli, for a good old smoked meat sandwich, for which Paudi opted to go for the chicken (I think he managed 3 bites on this glorious occasion - Schwartz you must be doing something right)

After lunch we took a stroll back down, stopped for 5$ cosmos for a pick me up. Paudi decided it was nap time, myself and Michael were to seize the day, and head for the island. Taking the less conventional method of walking.

After about an hour, we found a 7-11 near the base of the bridge. We stocked up on the bare necessities - Water, Slushies, Alcohol, and cheetos. With that we made for the bridge. Regrettably the pedestrian side was closed off, and we had to share the bike path, which more often then not felt quite hazardous.

After a good 40 minutes, to an hour, we made the island. And were greeted by some furry creature we couldn't quite identify.

We saw the biosphere, which was closed.

We saw some cops (quite a lot of cops at that) that Michael flipped off.

We saw an ugly structure.

And a good view too.

We called back into the hostel, and rounded the masses, even Paudi got up to come for one or two. With a large mass of hostel people from around Canada and the world, it was time for a drink. After indulging in a few glasses at a patio bar, we went back for La Distillerie.

A great crowd of people for a night out, and my favorite part of hostelling my way around. After the cocktails washed down, we moved on to a blues bar. Few drinks there, and we all set sail to call it a night back at the hostel.

With our final morning dawning, we all got up to make the most of it. Firstly, breakfast. We took a short walk and decided just to go into the first greasy spoon we found.

Poutine and burgers may not scream breakfast to most people, but for those at the end of a 5 day bender, well, yes, yes it does say breakfast.

Not terrible poutine, but a plastic burger.

We took a stroll down to the science centre to watch some childern.... Hm, that doesn't sound right does it? We actually went in to pass the time, but alas everything was in french, and it seemed expensive. We also didn't want to leave as it was about 40 celcius outside, and nice and air conditioned inside.

We did however take our leave after a while, and walked along the St Lawrence.

After taking in a bit of sun, and walking through the market, we made one final stop into the hostel. And were pleasantly greeted with beers.

After a few we took lunch, to a simple chain of brew pubs (with some god awful beer), one of which location is located in the heart of Toronto, near Yonge and Dundas square. So if your ever in Montreal or Toronto, and have a deep craving for shit food, and terrible beer, go to the Three Brewers, or Le Trois, Brasseurs.

Michael had a dry crusty Quesedilla.

Paudi with the Mexican wrap (which he ate... what in the fuck? Paudi my dear friend, you have the taste buds of a rabbit.)

And I opted for the dry, sauce less, flatbred.

I wouldn't feed this to my dog... If I had a dog.

With time now dwindling to get our bus to Toronto, we headed back to collect our things. The hostel receptionist gave me a deal, to return a bag of empties, and be able to collect a few bucks in change. As degrading as it may have been, after 5 or 6 days of drinking, my wallet could take something going back into it. So I accepted. To my misfortune however, I did not seem to understand his directions. To further my sorrows, it was not only a heavy (50+ lbs) bag, it was also the hottest day of the year.

Finally, a store! That wouldn't take my bottles... FUCK.

And there I am, the closing act in our midsummers night piss up. Drenched in sweat, exhausted, hungover, reeking of liquor, booze pouring out of my sweat glands, carrying a 50 pound bag of empties for approximately 7$. The bottles went into the nearest trash bin... sort of.

And what is the moral of all this you may be asking yourself? Don't help people. That's right I said it. At least not for 7$ anyway. Also, don't eat at the three brewers. Oh and avoid eating at the Biodome as well, unless you dig having your food ripped apart by a fat sweaty frenchman who's probably not washed his hands, or himself since the separatist movement lost momentum.

Finger Foods

2011-07-13T08:45:00.000-07:00

All the items are great party ideas, or make great appetizers. Also great food to serve with beers.

Thai Shrimp and Mushroom Fried Wontons

40 medium sized (large on the bag) shrimp
4 cloves garlic
3 large mushrooms

2 green onions
1 tsp sambal
1 tsp chili flakes
dash white pepper
2 splashes fish sauce
6-8 fresh basil leaves (thai basil if you have it)
2-3 tbs soy sauce
1 lime juiced
2-3 tbs brown sugar
splash rice wine (I used sake)

2 eggs beaten into 2 tbs water

Oil for frying

Combine ingredients in a bowl,

then purée in a food processor.

After puréed, place approximatly 1-2 tbs in a wonton skin, using your finger, dip into egg mixture, and spread around the outside of the wonton skin. Fold wonton skin over forming a triangle, and seal.

After all wontons are prepared, you may heat your oil, in a wok, pot, or deep fryer, and begin frying. Fry till golden brown and remove onto paper towels.

Chicken Wings
1-2kg chicken wings
Salt and pepper
Paprika
Cayenne
Garlic Powder
Olive oil
1/2 lemon juiced
oil for frying

Chicken Stock
Chicken bones (I used wing tips)
2 Celery ribs
2 Carrots
4 Cloves garlic
1 Onion
2-3 Bay Leaves
1-2 Tps Peppercorns
Water to cover

Poaching Ingredients
Chicken stock to cover
1 tsp peppercorns

4 bay leaves
1/2-1 bunch thyme
1 dry chipotle

1-2 tsp paprika

2 small onions halved

Chipotle BBQ Sauce
1 28 Oz Can chopped tomatoes
1 Can chipotles in adobe sauce (approx 6-8 chipotles)
1 Cup cider vinegar
1.5 Cups Brown sugar
1 Cup ketchup
3 Tbs Yellow Mustard
1 Onion Minced
6 Cloves Garlic Minced
2 Tbs salt
1 Tbs pepper
1 Tbs paprika

1 Tbs Oregano
1 Tsp Cayenne
1 Tsp Nutmeg
1 Tsp Allspice
1 Tsp Ground Coriander

2 Tbs Olive Oil

Start by Making the Chicken Stock. Add all ingredients to a pot, cover with water, bring to a boil, simmer for 2 hours.

While making the chicken stock layer chicken wings in a deep pan, add poaching ingredients.

When stock is ready, pour over the wings,

wrap pan with tin foil and add into the oven. Pre-heat to 400 and poach for approx 45 mins.

While poaching the wings make the sauce. Heat 2 tbs oil in deep pot, saute onions for 5 mins or until translucent, add garlic stir for 30 seconds. Add spiced and continue to sautee and addtional 2-3 minutes then add the brown sugar.

After 2 additional minutes add the remaining ingredients, bring to a boil, and simmer for 20-40 minutes.

Finally, puree the sauce, till it reaches a fluid consistency.

After the chicken wings come out of the oven remove from the stock and allow them to cool for a few minutes. Once cool enough to handle place in a non-reactive bowl and add the remaining ingredients (barring cooking oil).

Allow chicken wings to marinade in oil and spices anywhere from 30 minutes to overnight. Heat oil and fry wings till crispy. Toss in BBQ sauce, or serve sauce on the side.

Potato Wedges
6-8 small-medium potatoes quartered
2 tsp Oregano
2 tsp Basil
2 tbs Parmesan
2 tsp Chili Flakes
2 tbs Olive Oil
Salt and Pepper to taste

The key here is to steam the potatoes before baking/broiling. So use a steamer if you have one. If not (as is my case) place them into a pan with a elevation (I used a rack too small for the pan) place potatoes on the elevation, add about a 1/2 inch of water, and wrap pan with tin foil. After steamed, allow time for the potatoes to cool. Once cool place in a bowl and toss with the remaining ingredients. Then layer them onto a parchment paper layered pan,

and insert into the oven at 450 degrees, until golden brown.

Quesedillas

Chicken Marinade
4-5 Diced Chicken Thighs
1/3 bunch Fresh Coriander
1 Tbs Chili Flakes
2 tsp Cumin
2 tbs Olive Oil
1 tsp Garlic Powder
1 tsp Onion Powder
dash of paprika and cayenne

Marinate for approx 1 hour, then Sautee.

The other ingredients

1-2 small dice Jalapeno
1 small dice red pepper
1 small dice white onion
shredded cheese (chedder, monteray jack, marble, combination)
Chipotle puree (home made or store bought)
Flour Torillas

Sautee the veg in olive oil.

Spread the chipotle puree onto the tortillas, and fill one side with cheese, chicken, veg, and more cheese, and fold over.

For cooking, you can grill, bake, or sautee your Quesedillas in butter. I used a stove top grill (similar to a George Foreman, but laying flat) and placed a heavy cast iron pan on one side, then flipped them.

Matt's Surprise 30th

2011-07-08T16:53:00.001-07:00

Just a heads up, this likely won't be a long post, as my memory from this weekend is severely lacking to say the least. Also, as much as a ton of delicious food was served up, there is relatively little photo evidence of such (which is not a bad thing for night 1, I cant say cooking bulloxed drunk in the pitch black resulted in the very best showing of my culinary ability).

Well there it was, the first of the lads to turn the big 3-0. We knew something special was in order, but what? Well we threw a few ideas on the table (camping, travel, cottage rental, etc, etc, etc) and came to the decision that a cottage rental would be best. So we gathered the details, made the arrangements, brewed, butchered, and preped food and drink!

Now regrettably it was unseasonably cold till late in the year this year, and with that the end of March was still snowy, frigid, and frozen. And I would later learn (re-learn) the lesson of why you shouldn't mix more then 3 types of liquor, drink drinks made with 5 shots of whiskey like they're going out of style, and start drinking as soon as you wake up. I have the x rated photos of myself making an utter prick of things to prove it too.

And with that we were off, packed in and on the way out of Toronto. We were the last car to arrive, and landed at the cabin around 6 or 7pm. We however didn't waste any time. As soon as we exited the car, magners were cracked, and it was in we went. After the uproar of the surprise entrance, shots were handed out, I must have had 3 whiskeys before getting to the living room. After hand shakes, hugs, and the odd introduction were handed out, it was onto important duties.

Important duty number one being, the tapping of the keg.

With Keg tapped it was onto pints and conversations, starting with those seldom seen.

After a while, a healthy amount of conversing, and a very liberal portion of alcohol, it was off to the yard to enjoy the fire.

And also enjoy the evenings entertainment, American fire works.

And there I am, nice and intoxicated and not making a fool of myself.

Ah yes, I spoke too soon.

Ah the hot tub, the memories I would have in here... Good memories, bad, embarrassing, and missing ones alike.

Ah the morning hangover...

and the cure a like!

I'd say were fairly well stocked.

Yes quite well stocked, especially as this wasn't even half of it.

Its never an overly pleasant feeling when someone captures you on camera looking as awful as you feel.

And there I am back doing what I do. Feeding a hungry crowd of 20+ people, with grilled pita and lamb kebab.

Served of course with all the trimmings, kebab, pita, lettuce, tomato, onion, tzaziki, and hot sauce. And lets not discount the beer accompaniment either!

Aye boys dig in.

And with lunch everyone was back off to there separate corners.

Of course it just wouldn't be a birthday without cake. Also something enough to get everyone back around the table.

One good reason not to get completely shit faced by mid day.

Two reasons better.

So as some (at least one) of use had chosen to spend there day passed out cold drunk on the living room floor, others decided to watch the home movie Chris had made of our 8 day Algonquin park trip. A well done effort I must say, and a thoroughly enjoyable movie. I just wish I could say I was looking forward to the dvd of this cottage trip, but I really don't need to see my own bare arse pressed against the window of a cottage, mooning the inhabitants, and generally making an utter tit of myself.

After a significant amount of complaints and bitching, I was off to cook dinner (I still like how all I volunteered to do was prep the food, and people took that to mean I was their damn personal chef for the fucking weekend, it wasn't a paying position you know! Next time I'm charging.) We had 4 types of marinated chicken, honey garlic, jerk, buldak, and tandoori.

And with dinner on it was back to drinking. And shortly after getting back on the drink, it was on to the hot tub... and the subsequent alcohol abuse that followed... which only led to more compromising positions for me to put myself in... such as!...

Well if this wasn't the pinnacle of pride wounding, shame inducing, inebriation, then I'm not familiarly with what is! -10 degrees, fresh out of the hot tub, soaking wet, smoking nearly nude, just prior to mooning a room full of people, ah yes, nothing to shake my head at in the morning... nothing at all...

Good lord, there certainly is a difference in mine and Chris' wake up expressions.

Upon our last morning, myself, Matt, and Adam, decided to take a stroll on the lake.

After a brief few moments of calm, and serenity, it was back off to the big smoke.

We crowded around, discussed our plans, talked of times just passed, and with that the weekend was passed. Leaving me to sober up for work, and Matt to contemplate his knew found passage in life.

Intermission From Our Story

2011-07-08T16:45:00.000-07:00

For the record, I am not in fact dead!

So I have been waiting to continue on with the eventful story of New Orleans, but with Billy having photos I deem necessary to finish, for the time being I will be continuing on with regular posts.

Some note worthy things on the horizon, Montreal in 2 weeks time, potential camping in August, Autumn weddings in Ottawa, a surprise trip for my friends birthday in October, and the inevitable move to Australia in September of 2012. Not to mention life as usual, and the unexpected in between.

Regards, your humble, alive, and well narrator,

Tim

Chapter 3: A Canadian, a Kiwi, a Belarussian, and a Irish Woman Walking Into a Bar...

2011-04-23T17:48:00.001-07:00

Good morning Jackson!

It was a quick and easy morning, as you may be able to tell. With only a few hours of ground to cover here on day 3, we decided we would stop in Baton Rouge before going to New Orleans. We also were seeking a firing range, but were sadly unable to find it. We had a quick gas stop around the half way mark. And a dance as well.

The brief stop over with, and a short hour later, welcome to Baton Rogue. We didn't waste any time upon entering the city. It was straight to a parking spot and across the way to some form of display. On display was a few art installations and a good showing of military power in the form of a battleship and a jet plane.

We took a short walk around the section of board walk lining the Mississippi.

It wasn't long before our weary winter ravaged northern bodies started to wear out in the hot Louisiana sun. It was time for drinks.

It didn't take too long before finding our safe haven of the afternoon. Ah that feeling of walking into the first pub back in Louisiana and seeing the ash trays line the tables. What a pub this Happy's was, a very happy place indeed. Smoking indoors, strong drinks, complimentary (not to mention rather tasty) popcorn, and scantily clad waitress'. Just enough to keep this burgeoning alcoholic in good spirits (course the spirits didn't hurt anything either).

Not entirely sure about the nutritious part...

We stayed for a few pints, and a couple very strong margaritas, and it was off to fetch some food. Luckily we hadn't far to go, right across the street was a Cajun Mexican fusion restaurant.

Ah more margaritas. If only they were as good as they were across the street. Vile over salted frozen concoctions.

First up were the chicken wings. Crispy, tasty, but overly ordinary.

Next up were the pulled pork sliders. Soft fluffy bun, tender pork, bland flavour. Not impressed.

So far, heavy salt margarita, ordinary chicken wings, and bland sliders. Thank fuck I was drunk.

Next up, Crawfish Enchiladas. Finally a winner. Everything was very flavourfull. Nice and spicy and served with some nice hot sauces.

Chin-chin.

With the last drop of alcohol consumed we were out the door and back into the street. We had another wee walk around to see the last of the immediate sights.

And with that it was back on the road again. This time for the final stretch to our main destination, New Orleans.

Before long we had made it into town. We found our hostel with relative ease.

The India House Hostel.

We stepped in for registration, and to be assigned our rooms. We had little intent on staying very long. We also did not know just how incredible the hostel itself would be, and how hard it would be to get away from it.

We were brought to our room where we proceeded to unpack and settle in, claim beds, and the like. After a few minutes myself and Billy departed to look around the back patio area of the hostel. I also was looking for a lighter. The back yard was semi crowded, and it wasn't long till we were meeting people. I finally found someone smoking, and asked for a light. Not only was I given a light, but myself and Billy were also greeted by 2 cold tall ones by our new associates. We got to talking to the eclectic group of English, Americans, Australians, Irish, Canadians, and Finnish alike, and before long we had consumed several beers, whiskeys, and were on our way to a night on the town with them. We gathered the rest of our motley travelers, and set forth as a large collective.

Well, they certainly did make a charming couple didn't they?

Dylan

After the brief tram ride we found ourselves on Bourbon Street in the heart of the French Quarter. We meandered into several bars, drinks seldom far from hand, inside, outdoors, or otherwise. After a short time we wandered over to Frenchman St and went in for beers, tunes, and dancing. Sufficiently inebriated by this stage, making a fool of myself on the dance floor was far from difficult.

The blurry dark photos, strangely reminiscent of how I actually perceived things by this point. After a while, and several shots of spirits, we moved on. A large portion of the crowd split off to go back to Bourbon Street. Leaving myself, Anton, Billy, and Denise, to fade into the night. And my memory to fade into the annals of history.

With that, it was morning. As all good evenings end, abruptly.

A person of little relevance.

Stacey

Bel

Can you see a spaceman in a turtle shell? I can. Look closer. Here's a hint, he's hiding in plain sight.

Ever wonder what could be a bigger pain in the ass then a bad case of Hemorrhoids? Well here's a clue, it's not waiting for Billy to give me his damn photos (as big as a pain in the ass as that may be) so I can finish; Chapter 4: A Bigger Pain in the Ass then a Bad Case of Hemorrhoids.

Chapter 2: I've Got Those Hard Travellin Blues

2011-04-21T13:15:00.000-07:00

With breakfast consumed, beer and 6$ sparkling wine in tow, it was back to the open road.

The gps was set. We finally worked our way out of Gatlinburg to the interstate. And with the faintest remainder of a buzz, it was time to consume yet again.

Ah the times that were had. Laughs abounded, the occasional punch thrown, a slew of empty bottles lining the floor, and the odd man out (passed out that is). But all good things must come to an end, as did our first 12 case. Clearly it was time to leave the interstate and seek a refill station (and not for gas either).

Now, well within the confines of Alabama, the deep south. We entered the small dingy gas station for our bevies. We grabbed a few giant cans of tequila cocktail, and another 12 pack. Whilst on our way out we couldn't help but notice a stand of take away fast food items. We decided to indulge. Whilst not usually one to trust food in a gas station, it looked too good to pass up. They had a large assortment of foods available (all fried of course), fried chicken, deep fried Shish Kebab, fried sausage, country fried steak, and the like. Myself and Billy ordered some fried chicken.

Mmmmm. Who the hell would have thought that what could possibly be some of the best fried chicken I've ever eaten, would have been purchased from a gas station! A fucking gas station! Far-fucking-out man.

And with that delicious meal in us, and good deal more booze, it was back to open road. We cruised down the interstate for another good few hours before seeing a sign for a scenic overlook.

We decided it was time to stop.

What a relaxing hillside. It was hugely refreshing to be outside the car, sittin down, havin a smoke and another tall tequila beverage. At least it was... until...

Is that you yelling surprise Bill?

Shit despite what you may argue mate, I'm fairly certain thats still considered rape.

Time for vengeance!

Ah fuckery what have I gotten myself into now...

Ah shit, I really did it that time...

Run! Fuckin' Run!

Hm, well such as Johnny Cash in the Cocaine Blues, I made a good run, but I ran too slow...

God damn that hurt.

Ya ya, alright no hard feelings.... ya rapist cunt.

And with that, it was back to the road... at least till we found a gas station for another 12 pack.

After a few hours, plenty of beers, and quite possibly another stop off for another 12 pack, it was little wonder that a lower Alabama piss break was imminent. With that in mind we pulled into the nearest rest stop. A very scenic rest area, lush trees, and no shortage of greenery.

After enjoying a ciggy or two a few bottles, and at least two or three piss breaks, it was back on the way.

After several hours of driving further, countless more beers, piss stops, beer stops, gas stops, smoke stops, spills in the car, pass outs and the like, we reached Jackson Mississippi.

Apparently, unannounced to all of us (or perhaps just most of us), Jackson is a dead city, nothing open even as early as 10pm. Not a pub, a pharmacy, convenience store or the like. We did at least manage to secure lodging for the evening. We unloaded the beer mobile, unpacked in our room, grabbed a few brewskies, and a litre of vodka, and it was to the streets! With not a soul on the street (unless you count the shavings of bacon driving around), it was nothing but myself, Anton, Billy, the booze, and good conversation. We progressed around the streets seeing bits of the town here and there, and guzzling vodka. We then progressed into a constant worsening state. Eventually we ended up infront of a historic building with cannon's and large church like bells on the lawn. A few plaks, several hedges.

After nearly finishing the vodka, Billy approached the bell. Returning with a look of dissappointment that it didn't work.

I took a gander over myself, reached in and slammed the clapper to the bell wall. Boy did that fucker work after all, a loud resonating clang echoed throughout the city. Well lads, time to call it a night I'd say.

After a small black out period towards the end of the evening, I awoke back in the hotel. All limbs still functioning, no missing appendages, no signs of being arrested, all the lads still around. We enjoyed a complimentary all you can eat hot breakfast, and had a chat with the hotel concierge. After breakfast, and of course a beer or two, it was back into the car, and on to Baton Rouge.

The moral?

1968, Johnny Cash "I'm goin' to Jackson"

2011, Tim "Let's get the fuck out of Jackson"

Stick around folks, next time we answer the age old question; "What happens when a Canadian, a Kiwi, a Belarussian, and an Irish woman walk into a bar?"

(Jackson pictures were taken courtesy of Denise, the morning after the shenanigans, whilst I was in bed sleeping off my hangover - or attempting to at least)

Chapter 1: The Open Road

2011-04-20T19:20:00.000-07:00

It was a particularly bright Monday April Morning (I know this very well as I was quite hungover at the time and nearly blinded) when myself and 4 companions loaded our gear into a rental car.

Whilst we had some delays, particularly our Kiwi counterpart forgetting his passport and home, and us having to back track for it (yes, thats right, it had nothing to do with my being an hour late and still drunk). After all delays had passed, and remaining hold ups rectified, it was onward and upward, out of dreary rainy (and just the previous night - snowy) Toronto. Headed for the warm and sunny, hot and sticky, land of booze and debauchery; New Orleans. First stop? Tennessee.

We pulled the fuck outta dodge, and were on our way from Toronto with great speed. Tennessee being approximately 13 hours from Toronto, a late start, and a non stop rain storm made getting there at all within one day to be a very ambitious goal. A goal that would only become more ambitious when paired with volatile driving conditions, an obscene amount of rainfall, the occasional thunderstorm and frequent pit stops.

Eventually somewhere in West Virginia, we pulled away for supper. Nothing fancy, nothing fantastic, just some side of the interstate Pizza Hut. How ever even in its mediocrity, Pizza Hut can have some wonders left for the weary traveler. A few bottles of beer, and some cheap dirty fast food, have seldom been so welcomed. And with the bill wrapped up, and a fairly lengthy chat with our local southern waitress about life in the south (which sounded almost stereotypical), it was back on the old dusty.

Finally with some good weather - no rain and warm air - windows down and fully bellies, things were back on the up and up. This of course lasted about 20 minutes till the weather conditions well back to shit, with some of the worst rain we'd seen all day. Now also facing the inevitable darkness of nightfall to boot. However amusement was still to be had, and interesting sights were to be seen. Such as the town of Hookersville, seemingly comprised of nothing but 2 gentlemens clubs across the interstate from one another. Needless to say I haven't been awake nights in deep contemplation as to how the town was named.

Now with darkness surrounding us, and terenchal rains slapping down on top of us, a certain somber befell us. We all knew what must be done. It was time to get beer! And with great speed we were off to fill our bellies with cheap, stale, gas station beer (barring the driver of course). And with new found spirits and just crossing the border into Tennessee, it was happy days again.

About an hour and a half we finally made our destination in Tennessee.

We wasted no time unloading the nights spread on the table.

From left to right; 2 litres of absolute vodka, 1 litre of Jim Beam Black, 1 litre of Lambs Navy Rum 75% (150 proof). Needless to say, it was a sloppy night with little sleep, and dirty feelings of shame on a liquor clouded mind. Ah fuck it, nothin a jaunty jig can't fix.

Ah now thats better. Now to see the town of Gatlinburg, followed by a gas station for the proper cure (beer and sparklin wine anyone?).

With a brief breakfast at a ihop, it was to get booze and hit the road. Another fairly ambitious day, goal, Jackson Mississippi.

Next up, part 2: I've got those hard travellin blues.

Special thanks to Denise Hughes and Anton Smolski for use of there photos, as well as Billy if the fucker ever uploads them for use!

Utopia Bar and Grill

2011-03-09T13:53:00.000-08:00

In the fleeting few days I spent in Montreal I managed to make several aqcuintanceships. A very refreshing reminder of the good side of hosteling. It couldn't have come at better time as next month me and some friends are due to hit the streets of the big easy and will be hosteling it all the way.

One such acquaintance found himself in Toronto some time after Montreal. He got in touch and the only day we could co-ordinate to hangout was one where I had work in the afternoon. So we decided lunch. I picked what I felt would be a good representation of Canadian food, as well as being reasonably priced, and centrally located. So with that we were off to Utopia.

We arrived at Utopia around 1pm with the clock ticking for my impending work schedule. After sometime spent looking over the fairly lengthy menu, we decided on some burgers. Never having had Bison meat before, I recommended it to Geoff (who was just as unfirmilliar with the animal itself). So we both got Bison, he had his plain, I opted for the one smothered in onions, mushrooms, and swiss cheese.

Served with a large portion of fresh thick cut chips. All in all a satisfying meal at 12 or so dollars. Unfortunately there is only so much I can say for taste as at the time I was quite ill and had lost all sense of taste. Geoff however was very pleased and said its something he looked forward to being able to eat again. And really, how can you go wrong with a bison burger anyhow?

Afterwards we took a stroll into Kensington Market and dropped by The Last Temptation pub for a few pints. We downed a couple pitchers, and with that it was good luck back to Australia, and off to work.

Quick Eats With Left Over Curry Chicken

2011-02-15T11:50:00.000-08:00

Last week I made off a big batch of Curry Chicken. Nothing special, a very quick effort to use up chicken thighs before they went off. Feeling relatively lazy last night while rummaging for supper, I found a few ingredients and threw them together.

I started by toasting a pita. I then topped it with yogurt, mango chutney, and banana slices.

Whilst toasting and topping my pita I heated some curry chicken. I then added it to the pita.

I wrapped it up and enjoyed! All my favorite flavours (minus the rice) of curry chicken as a wrap. Lovely.

So for anyone who has some lingering curry chicken lying around and looking for a quick bite, give it a go.

Winterlicious 2011

2011-02-07T19:36:00.000-08:00

Well I'll start by saying these reviews will be entirely text based. I came to each Winterlicious meal with camera in tow, however at each I forgot to remove it upon checking my coat.

For those not based in Toronto, or familiarly with it, Winterlicious is one of two city wide culinary events held within certain participating restaurants within Toronto. The other being Summerlicious. Each lasting 2 weeks.

So far this year I have been for one lunch and one dinner. I am set to go to one on Thursday, however after hearing a disastrous review of their Winterlicious dinner, I am inclined to save my 45$ and dine somewhere other then Sassafraz.

For lunch I went to Fuzion. A small restaurant located on church street, in between Bloor and Wellesley. Offering a 3 course meal at 20$ per lunch and 35$ per dinner, and the exact same menu offered for each, it seemed lunch was only logical.

For my first course I ordered the chocolate glazed side ribs with habanero mojo. The dish arrived within 7 minutes or so. The presentation was gorgeous, the concept excellent, and the execution poor. The ribs them selves were luke warm, the meat was relatively tough. Worst of all was even dipped in the habanero and pineapple concoction, it was all near flavourless.

For the second course I ordered the venison osso buco. The mains took maybe 10 minutes of finishing the aps to reach the table. I must say, this was truly a hit in my books. Served with a small section of marrow bone, on top of a cauliflower puree, and a juniper berry game sauce. The sauce delicious, the marrow, great, and the meat itself tender, and very flavourful.

For dessert I had the Clementine Mousse. It was served with a blood orange slice atop a bit of sauce/compote, with some sort of dessert stick accompaniment. Whilst maintaining a nice flavour, I did not entirely appreciate the texture of the frozen mousse. The dessert stick was tough and lacking in any real depth, all in all just another unpleasant texture.

The verdict? Well short of first and last courses, it was a great meal. And with a 20$ price tag, I wouldn't have too much trouble recommending it based sheerly on main courses.

For the dinner, I attended Lai Toh Heen, located on Mt. Pleasant, just south of Eglington. They boasted 2 different menus. One at 35$ and another at 45$, whilst no noteable difference at first glance, upon closer inspection the 45$ gave you 1 extra piece of dim sum with your first course, and the ability to have 2 smaller portioned mains. Deciding to for go my usual alcoholic beverage with my meal, I compensated by ordering the 45$ meal.

First to arrive were the appetizers, I ordered the deep fried jumbo prawn. However my jumbo prawn was to arrive at the table in form of cream of chicken and mushroom soup. I quickly pointed out their mistake and awaited my appetizer.

Whilst waiting for the re-emergence of my first course, the second course of dim sum arrived. Consisting of a deep fried tofu brick on a stick, a dungeness crab meat dumping, and a shrimp sui mei, served with garlic infused soy sauce. All where tasty with pleasant textures, albeit the tofu lacked flavour.

Whilst half way through my dim sum, my appetizer made its second appearance in proper form this time. A hulking, lightly battered prawn, with small lightly battered pieced of asparagus, served with two types of hot sauce. Whilst not the most complex dish in all of creation, it certainly was tasty.

After maybe 15 minutes if not longer the mains showed up to the table. Better late then never. I had the wok baked lobster accompanied with the diced beef tenderloin topped with pan seared foie gras. The beef was tossed in a sweet tomato sauce, and the lobster in garlic sauce. The lobster was a portion of half a lobster, minus the claw (my dining companion who ordered the cheaper 35$ meal received lobster a la claw). The portion of lobster containing basically only half a tail, somehow felt skimpy to me. The beef portion consisted of maybe 10 cubes of 1" by 1" beef, topped with a thin slice of foie gras. The beef portion I felt was significantly more plentiful then that of the lobster. As for taste, the lobster was ever so slightly tough, and damn near impossible to remove from the shell, but fortunatly did not taste over cooked. The beef was very tasty, tender, not fully cooked, in a sweet, but not sickeningly sweet sauce. The foie gras was a nice accompaniment.

The fourth course arrived not to long after, consisting of truffle scented noodles with scallop. It also contained slices of king oyster mushroom. There is something said for keeping things simple, theres something else to be said about keeping things too simple. Which is more or less where I stood on this dish. Whilst tasty, I could not help but feel bored and underwhelmed by this dish after consuming a few mouthfuls.

The last course, dessert, arrived fairly quickly after finishing the noodles. The dessert consisted of 3 small treats, a heart shaped mango cream, a brownie from senses bakery, and a deep fried sesame ball. The mango cream tasted like, well, mango, thumbs up. The brownie topped with chocolate sauce and an almond was very rich, and with a fairly small portion managed to be the right amount of rich chocolate flavour for my tastes. Finally the sesame ball, crisp exterior, gooey interior, and a good amount of flavour, another winner.

Thoughts? All in all a good meal, I would recommended it, not highly, but as a place to sit down, and enjoy Chinese food loaded with high end ingredients.

Lion Tacos

2011-02-04T20:43:00.001-08:00

So as some of you may have heard, there has been some controversy going on surrounding a Tuscon Arizona Taco Bars decision to serve Lion Tacos. Recently the owner has retracted his decision to serve the bizarre tacos due to a numerous amount of threats received. Not unlike threats that bombard other restaurants serving controversial meats (seal meat restaurants being a prime example). Now whilst I in no way advocate poaching animals from the wild, killing them and selling them for any purpose including meat (however I am more likely to let meat slide then the likes of skins), this only pertains to animals that are considered vulnerable or worse mind you. I am all for hunting for FOOD. I do not support hunting as mere sporting activity. However, as I am to understand, the particular lions in question for use in the tacos, were being bred on a farm in California for just that purpose. So I ask you this, if the lions being used are being bred for the shear point of slaughter as a food source, how are these tacos any different then that of your regular cattle taco? I could understand being upset from the point of strict veganism, from someone who is against the slaughter of any animal for food, but for your average joe, it just seems hypocritical. As for me, I'll have a lion taco please. As for you? Well thats for you to decide, and feel free to leave your opinion here.

3 Day Midweek Bender

2011-01-24T15:08:00.000-08:00

In a surprising turn of events - what would in the weeks to come be less and less surprising - I was handed 6 days off work just before Christmas. In what at the time was a completely unprecedented schedule, I decided it a must to do something. So late on the 2nd night I packed a bag and headed down to the train station. I arrived at the station at just after 5 in the morning. After little deliberation I decided I would go out and visit dear old Montreal. Whilst no stranger to the city it has been a few years since I made my way out there. The bus left a tad late, and being the bus, managed to make up absolutely no time what so ever. In fact we were at least an hour late getting into the city. I traveled with Megabus, which used to be Coach Canada, makes few stops long with with one stop over in Kingston to stretch legs, get coffee, and other market up food/goods. I always appreciated the advertisements around Toronto showing off their low travel fees to Montreal "as low as 10$". Ladies and gents, I have no trouble telling you, this was not the case. I paid near 150$ for my bus ticket. Appalling, but little choice being so last minute and so close to the holidays.

During the bus ride I booked stay at the Hi-Hostel Montreal.

I arrived in Montreal around half passed three. If only I had remembered Montreal as well as I thought I did, I may have arrived at my hostel before 5.

After re-acquainted myself with the city, by means of wandering lost for an hour and half, I reached my hostel.

I checked in, got my flimsy key card, and made my way up to the room. Upon checking in however I was informed of an impending hostel pub crawl that very evening.

I threw my stuff down in the room, rested my weary feet a while, and then got ready to make my way to dinner. As I was getting ready I had the pleasure to make the acquaintance of two Australian fellows staying in the room, Jim, and Geoff. The two gents were also getting ready to head out of supper, so I convinced them to head on over with me to check out a szechuan restaurant I had heard good things of, just up the road from the hostel. We all head out together, and some time after back tracking back to the restaurant (as we walked clear passed it), we found Cuisine Szechuan.

We piled in, got menus, and after some debate, ordered our meal.

First up was the Beef with Ginger and Shallots.

Followed by Black Bean Chicken with Nuts

And finally, my personal decision, the Pork in Fiery Chili Sauce

Now I wanted to really like this food, I really did. And whilst each dish was good, there was nothing fabulous or outstanding. I had heard this was the place for "serious chili heads" and "fire-eaters" alike, and this simply was not the case. Whilst the pork in fiery chili sauce definitely had heat, it was absolutely no match what so ever for the spice level we recieve at szechuan restaurants here in Toronto. I would give Cuisine Szechuan no more then a 7/10. Although I am unsure as to how it stacks up to other Montreal Chinese eaterys. Perhaps we are just spoiled for good Chinese here in Toronto.

We departed the restaurant after eating, very full, and satisfied. We made our way back to the hostel to prepare our selves for a night on the town.

We headed to the hostel bar for the meet up around 8, and sat in for a few pints.

After about an hour the group had filled up to a sizeable amount of people. With a bit of discussion as to what the plan of attack would be, we set off. We took the tram from the closest station to the hostel, to Berry station. The first pub was just off St Catherine (I believe), I do not recall the name, although I do believe it was an Irish pub. After downing several rounds of boreal and a few whiskeys, it was time to up and leave to the next pub.

We reached our next destination after 10-15 minutes on foot. It was a nice pub, but quite packed. The group had made the decision to move on, however 4 of us at the bar had already ordered up, so we had to chug a lug and get out.

Sometime later we reached the 3rd bar. I believe in one of my travels to Montreal in days long gone I had been here. I remember not the name nor the location of the pub. It was karaoke night however. Having a good 7 or 8 drinks in me by now, I was starting to get a bit sloppy. Pictures however did seem like a prime activity.

Three Aussies and a Yank

Jim

Geoff

Yank

The lot of us

Jim and his 2 bar birds

Geoff and his yank bird and a dance

This last photo was taken on our long trek to the final bar of the evening which was a club playing retro remix's. Not my typical scene, but hey, sometimes ya gotta just roll with it. All in all a good time, a pleasure to make many acquaintance, and an utterly miserable hangover in the morning.

The hi-hostel being very close to the largest English speaking district offered up many Irish pubs. One being O'reagans, which I seem to end up at at least once on a trip to Montreal for their Irish Traditional Sessions.

Two doors down is the Irish Embassy. Strikingly similar in exterior appearance to that of the Irish Embassy pub in Toronto. And having spent an evening in there, ever bit as disastrously boring.

There is also yet another Irish pub, called Hurleys just through the parking lot on the next street up. A nice pub that see's a fair bit of business on any given night, likely due to having live music in 7 days a week. A pub I like to frequent when in Montreal and looking for an English speaking refuge, and some good old music.

Anyhow, after passing through the district with all the Irish bars, I made the long haul up to Schwartz Deli, located on St-Laurent. After approximately an hour or so of walking I made my destination. For those you know unaware, Schwartz deli is famous for their smoked meat sandwiches. Something I personally swore off after eating one at the Montreal Casino upon my first visit to the city. It was the single worst thing I have eaten that comes to mind. I couldn't bring myself to eat another one, regrettably, as Schwartz Deli quickly converted me into a Montreal Smoked Meat addict.

This huge hulking sandwich offering two or even three times more meat then bread, and a good spread of mustard, and a pickle on the side. Absolutely stunning in its simplicity. A wonderful sandwich, and one I would recommend as a must to anyone going through Montreal.

After stuffing back the delicious sandwich, I made my way back into the cold to venture back to the hostel. I made it back in what felt like much better time then my initial journey. Shortly after getting back and throwing on my laptop, a new arrival joined our room. A young American lad from California. After chatting a bit I invited him out for the Irish Trad Session I was to attend that night at O'Reagans. The Australians were still too knackered for another night out.

So I headed out, and arrived at O'Reagans just prior to the music. After a pint or two they started up. Shortly after which the yank happened by. Much to my surprise, he was not a drinker at all, and he sat drinking cola. Which whilst something I have no problem with personally, I was a bit disappointed to not have a rowdy drinking partner for the evening. All the same we had a good time, enjoying music, and chatting away. Eventually we moved closer to the musicians. After standing a while observing we were approached by a woman from Halifax. Whilst nice enough at first, after about 5 minutes of her rambling, it became apparent that it would be impossible to get her to shut up, or even to get so much as a single word in. After suffering her incoherent babbling for 20 minutes, she eventually stuck me with a 10$ and told me to get her a drink. I was near tempted just to take the opportunity to get the hell out of there, whilst 10$ richer to boot. However being too upstanding (or perhaps just too sober) for such a thing I got her her drink. Unfortunately this did not cease her tongue. Finally after maybe another 10 minutes she took a sip. In this glorious opportunity I manage to belt out the phrase "I need to leave". The yank quickly jumped onto my band wagon. The poor bastard however was coaxed into staying.

After gaining my new found freedom, I went across the way to Hurleys to take in a bit of music. After a few to drink I decided I would see what the Irish Embassy was all about. Having been to the one here in Toronto (if they are indeed affiliated) I can say that one is as awful as the next. Nice exterior, nice interior, bland boring patrons, over priced alcohol, and no music. Needless to say I did not stay long. I then called it an early night.

Upon waking up it was nearly time to check out. I gathered my belongings, and made my way. I said farewell to who ever was there to say it to, and left. I was recommended a poutine shop called La Banquise. After looking it up on google maps, it wasn't too far from the bus terminal. So I hopped the tram, and started out. I reached the bus terminal and had roughly an two hours to catch my bus. Perfect. Time for Poutine. It was roughly a half hour trek to La Banquise. I walked in and was seated promptly. I was happy enough just to be out of the cold. I received the menu which had a massive variety of poutines. Everything from the classic, to the Hawaiian with bacon and pineapple, to the T-rex with ground beef, bacon, pepperoni, and sausage. Now me being something of a traditionalist when it comes to food (why fuck with a good thing right?), especially when it comes to trying something for the first time (in this case the restaurant for the first time), I ordered the large classic.

Wow! Whilst I wouldn't consider it a cheap poutine at 10$, boy was it ever good. I'm not entirely sure I could say it is the best poutine I've eaten, I will say it is a contender. Tasty Gravy, plentiful fresh cheese curds, and whilst not my favorite chips, they certainly were good enough to pass the test of a delicious poutine.

After enjoying my meal, I got to take one last walk around Montreal before being crammed back into the bus. I arrived back at the terminal a half hour early only to be greeted by a sprawling line up. By the time we were loaded on it was shoulder to shoulder, in my opinion for a bus ride as long as the one to come, it was inhumane. In my case especially as the rotund Indian fellow - who couldn't secure a seat with his wife - to my right kept falling asleep and trying to cuddle me.

Seven long tedious hours later I was back in Toronto. Instead of doing the sensible thing of going home, and getting some rest, it was right back out on the lash! After some poor attempts at co-ordination I met up with Michael. We saw in a few pints at the go to - McVeighs, and it was off to Bloor and Spadina. Now well peckish by this point, we stopped in at Sarah's for Falafel.

Damn that is good Falafel. Whilst not much for vegetarian food, I always have loved Falafel. And Sarah's does it just right.

After sucking back the food it was on to Lees Palace.

After just a few beers we were joined by our friend Dauren.

With a good amount of beer and whiskey consumed by this point the main act, the Bathurst Queens, came on. Ah punk rockers in drag, is there anything that says Merry Christmas better?

All in all quite an entertaining gig. And of course after all that booze consumed, it was time to go back to Sarah's. This time, Shawarma.

We fired up a couple rounds of chicken shawarma. I must say, every bit as good as the falafel! And with that I made my way home for Christmas Eve.

Day 7-8: Bountiful Returns

2011-01-24T15:07:00.000-08:00

Ah day 7, a well deserved sleep in all around. Certainly for the fellows who missioned out on a fools errand. Our mission for today was relatively simple. A short paddle, followed by a short portage back to North Tea Lake, and then another short paddle to find a campsite. So with a fairly easy day a head we took a leisurely approach to the morning.

Sometime after we had all be up for a while shooting the shit, we made up a small fire for coffee and porridge.

After a good few hours spent goofing off, and generally enjoying ourselves, it was time to leave this site behind and move onward.

And for the record, no it is never too early. When your in the woods its 5pm around the clock.

This was Chris' attempt to clear away the low hanging branches that were hiding the portage sign.

I've been told I should send this photo in to old spice for use in their advertisement campaigns.

This was a bit of a tricky portage. Whilst it was fairly short, maybe half a km, it essentially I large hill.

When we reached North Tea Lake again, we began inspecting campsites.

This one was nice from the out side, but very dense and small when you get into it.

After checking out a couple, we ended up at this one. It was on an island, and absolutely massive. It was a bit of a hill up, but it had a nice sand beach to dock the canoes on.

After getting set up and seeing a spot of lunch in, it was time to soap up, and get in a bit of swimming.

After the swim, Chris and Kel ventured out for another round of fishing. Thus far a venture that had been very unsuccessful. They returned as sun was setting maybe an hour later, with not one, but two small mouth bass! Apparently after catching one, Chris wanted to see if Kel could bait one, and shortly after recasting his line he pulled in a second.

Ah time for what I do best. Dinner! Whilst Chris went down to gut the fish, I started cookin up some sides. In one pot we have tomato sauce with salami boiling away, next to some make shift french fries.

After gutted, the fish were placed back into my capable hands to fillet, season, and cook.

Even to say myself it was a truly inspired effort to cook even such a simple meal on such a medium. And there really isn't anything like fresh food, even despite not being much of a fish eater.

We stayed up only briefly after eating, had a few drinks, and went to get a good night in for the long day ahead of us.

We arose to a particularly chilly and windy morning.

Spirits for what ever reason were rather low this particular morning. Whether it was the thought of going back home, or the run down of a tough week, or the fact that we had to paddle a huge lake, a long river, and a second, smaller lake, with the wind and current coming against us is uncertain. More then likely a combination of all three.

As you can see, Renars is ecstatic to get moving.

It was a tough paddle, and very tiring for already very tired and sore muscles. However we persevered and made it to the river. Ah the lazy river, that wonderful river we first set paddle on 8 days prior. With the wonderful memories of full bellies, and lazing down the river with beers and cigarettes 2 provisions we had long since been out of.

We spend a good long while going through the river, but inevitably made it to the lake. As tired and sore and physically and mentally drained as we all were by this point, the ability to see our final destination was re-invigorating. One last strong push, in what felt like a small eternity we made land, and civilization!

We unloaded quickly.

Got the canoes attached.

And after recording our closing thoughts, we said a fond farewell to one another, and piled into our separate vehicles.

Now with nothing left of this trip but the dwindling hours of open road, and our thoughts and reflections. It never ceases to amaze me the thoughts one has of everything in their life after trips as such. The ways you delve into who you are, and the problems of your life. The decisions you make about how to change your life when you return. A new job, a better eduction, to tell those you love how you feel. Whilst going through the rigors of camping, you are never left the time to reflect or to think of really anything other then what you are doing. Too busy working your ass off to get to your next destination, your eyes too focused on taking in the surroundings, and at times, just trying to survive. So it always feels profound to me just how much everything under the sun gets taken into consideration upon that brief trip home.

Thanks for reading the posts for these lovely, beautiful, heinous, melancholy, tough, and at times bitter and resentful 8 days.

Catch ya on the flip side,

Yours truly,

Tim, the Devils Advocate

I would also like to thank Renars Dimza for use of his plentiful picture collection.

Day 6: Grim Horizons

2011-01-24T15:06:00.000-08:00

Day 6 had finally arrived. It had seemed like ages since we left civilization. Both for reasons of hard travelling, and just generally very eventful days making reflection seem like a longer period of time. Today would prove no exception for both hard travelling as well as a very active day. One particular reason for this, was that our friend Andy was to join us, and a small portion of us would have to break off and back track through north tea lake (from our new camp site) to get fetch him.

We didn't spend much time at our camp site of the last 3 days.

We woke up, ate, packed, took a group photo, and said farewell to our newly renovated residence of the prior days.

And with that it was back in the canoes for another day of paddling and portaging. Fortunately enough it was only 1 portage and 2 short paddles. We made the one and only portage relatively quickly. Although what our eyes beheld on the portage sign was an awfully menacing sight.

Yep, 2.8km. This is a rather burdening amount to travel with a canoe/gear loading you down.

So we unpacked and hit the old dusty.

The one fortuitous thing being the very well manicured path. Almost a dirt road, more then likely used by park workers to atv through. This straight, flat path, for 65% of the trek maybe the only thing that made this portage bearable.

However, the nice manicured path was not to last, and after just over half way it was back to hills, roots, rocks, and other such hazards. If nothing else at least it kept things interesting.

After the first trip and some relief, we had to head back to get the second load.

And of course the one good thing about making a trek back without your gear/canoe is you get to take your time, look around, and observe things you other wise wouldn't have noticed whilst hustling to drop your gear off. Such as the above sign, written in what could very well be gibberish... or Greek, but hey, whats the difference right?

Another thing I was able to notice was the very bizarre caterpillar. One of many different strange types we saw on our travels.

After a bit of back and forth, and maybe 2 some odd hours later all our gear was with our boats, ready to kick off to our next camp site. We piled in, pushed off, and made trail. In just a short while we found what would be more then suitable for our purposes.

We docked in, and dropped down the gear.

3 of the lads stretched out, took a moment, and they piled back into the canoe to go get Andy.

Meanwhile, whilst not to make ourselves completely useless, Renars and myself set camp.

After survey the area a bit, we set up tents, gathered fire wood, and started a fire.

After hauling some serious trunks of wood, we were set for lunch.

And more Vodka Tang.

After several to drink, and a good few games of crazy eights, it hit evening. It was at this point where the sun was near setting that we started to worry for the sake of our comrades unreturned.

It's at this point I should mention some of the possible risks associated with camping in this fashion. Animal attacks, canoe flips, misplaced or lost maps, sprains from portaging, falls down hills - or during portage with canoe - resulting in broken bones. Not to mention many other serious or minor accidents can take place.

After sun set and they still hadn't returned, we became hardened to the fact that something must have gone wrong. By camp time they have left at 1 or 2 pm, and sun wasnt setting till 9 or 10pm. We came to accept that we would have to rise very early in the morning, to trek out with the entire camp gear in 1 canoe and try to find them.

Fortunately, maybe a half hour later we heard shouting from the lake. They had returned, and we would not have to get up early in the am. Apparently Andy was a no show, and they waited around for a few hours for him (as we would find out later our camp watch was also off by a few hours).

After returning we all rejoiced and drank vodka, and took robaxacet to relieve the sore muscles. In fact after taking it, I was so relieved I lost all ability to move.

We ended up having a bit of supper and calling it an early night. But of course first things first, to bear proof our supply's. As you can see, we just didn't have it in us anymore.

Day 3-5: Drying Off Our Spirits... With Spirits!

2011-01-11T11:10:00.000-08:00

Day 3: Picking up the pieces

Well I suppose one of the biggest things to report would actually be in between 2am and 8am on day 3. When Renars (who brought his axe into the tent after specifically being told not to) nearly met a tragic end to his life, as I was ready to bludgeon him to death with his axe. Have you ever heard snoring that sounds like a chorus of a dozen chain saws plowing through a forest of lead pipes being chased by a fleet of ambulances? Well, I have, about a foot and a half from my ear, and I was not pleased.

So sometime around 8am I arose severely irritated from a sleepless night.

We all packed our gear up, and got ready to make our way.

As you can see the camping essentials, mr. noodle, vodka, and toilet paper.

First thing I noticed as we began our trek back down river, was that the shore line was littered in frogs.

Being a little worse for ware then the previous day, the way back down river was not nearly as much of a joy as it was comming up it.

After perhaps an hour or so, give or take, we made it out of the river, and back to lake Biggar. The boys went for a fish and I took a stroll around the beach. After a bit we made our way to the next portage. The next lake we would reach was quite pleasant.

We made our way through to the next portage. After traversing the next portage we reached yet another stunning lake.

We made our way again with good pace through this lake, to the final portage of the day. Starting to run down a bit by this point we didn't move quite as quickly but still over all a good pace. We now made our destination for the next 3 days; Three Mile Lake.

After surveying potential camp sites, we came around the bend on an island only to catch glimpse of a Falcons nest.

After severely pissing it off, we went back to campsite searching. We found a rather large campsite on the same island. Open at both sides around the campfire, spacious back area for tents. The only qualm was it was slightly fire damaged.

We took it anyway.

The first thing one would notice after getting out of the canoe, were the swarms of mino's. When standing still - even briefly - your feet would be swarming with them. Thousands of the nibbling away at the dirt on your feet. What an odd sensation I must say.

The view from the fire pit.

Not wasting time, we converted the bench into a table.

Just the essentials of course.

With our bench now a table, we all decided to flop down and rest on the ground.

After a good rest, and being thoroughly sick of the kinks provided by lying on roots, we cleared off the bench.

(anyone care to take a gamble as to whom earned the nickname Beam?)

As prior mentioned, the camp site came a bit fire damaged. It would appear that some sort of subterranean fire had occurred. The fire seemed to have come through the base of the tree, and spread to damaging the bench and several other parts of the campsite.

(before)

We decided we would take to fixing the place up a bit.

(after)

So after a while fire wood was gathered.

Grass hoppers caught.

And fishing hooks retrieved.

And with that it was supper time. Matt with his Kraft Dinner, and myself my spicy noodle bowl.

And then of course Renars with his fancy ass 5 servings of pasta.

Shortly after day 3 was put to rest.

Day 4: The Vengeful Spirits

After a good nights sleep we all rose to meet the lazy day. Started off with a brief video.

And then moved on to a feat of strength: Breakfast. Now ordinarily we like to keep it simple for breakfast, which is to say, instant oatmeal. However Renards decided to bring along pancake mix, and no clue how to cook it. So whilst making up the mix, which included some homemade blueberry jam (which was delicious), we looked for ways to cook the damn things.

After a while we decide to cook on the metal plates we had brought.

Using a pair of plyers as a handle to our make shift frying pan.

After not too long, and some serious dedication to the craft, we had a stack of golden brown pancakes.

Mmm mmm mmm. I tell you though, had you told me prior to the moment that it was possible to cook pancakes over a bonfire with nothing but plyers and a metal plate (a hope and a dream), I'd of said go talk to McGyver.

We polished off the pancakes, and decided it was time for drinking.

Renars decided to first have a slurp from Chris' hose........ Sucky Sucky 5 Dolla? Anyone?

And with that brief homosexual outburst, it was on to pickle eating! And by that I mean the cucumber variety.....

Anyhow, we were going with the old Russian standard, vodka and pickles.

After sitting around drinking for some time we all moved on to different activities, some had more food, some had more drink, some swam. Chris however decided to fish a bit on a rock just off coast. He took a wee tumble on his way back.

I really have no comment for this...

Or this really... Although atleast you now know who the Chocolatier is!

Ah it never ceases to amaze me the power of alcohol to transform a person. Chris normally the responsible camper who would scorn someone for irresponsible behavior in the woods decided the fire (sitting below low hanging branches) just wasn't high enough.

Is it high enough yet Chris?

No eh...

Well buddy, not lookin so good there man. Just be sure, don't pass out in my sleeping bag now!

Well, fair warning.

With Chris out cold, and Matt short to follow, we were down to 3.

Myself and Renars drunk and hungry, thought up a good source of food. And with Kels help, we moved on down to the shore. It was Crawfish time!

Hm this cup's not big enough...

Ah feck it, get the pot.

Oh yeah, fresh out the water crawfish, boiled in make shift cajun spice, served with Louisiana Hot Sauce!!!

Content as anything.

As they say, ya ain't cajun unless you suck the head! (no gay joke there)

Shortly after polishing them off, we all took to bed. Renars kind enough to drag Chris into his tent.

Day 5: The Aftermath

We all woke up in a state. Chris especially. Also astounded with himself and his ability to not only get chocolate over everything in the camp, but also to break one of our paddles whilst doing so.

After a while myself and Renars went to check out the lake some. We were looking around at the other campsites and such, with a bottle of Tang and Vodka.

Lord, at this point, I don't think I ever wanted to taste tang again. Still slightly preferred over straight vodka.

Apparently we weren't the only ones in from Toronto.

Now I'm not sure If I mentioned it before, but man, were the Loons out on this trip! It was truly incredible, must have been mating season, loons everywhere, and the majestic cry throughout the day and night. Although, after another day of the majestic crys, I was ready to choke the damn birds.

We got back to camp with the majority of the day still ahead of us. So it was then Project time. Renars was to build a bench.

step 1: Tree Cutting

Step 2: Labouring

Step 3: nails

Step 4: Bench

And with that, came the end of day 5, fairly uneventful, and needfully uneventful all the same.

Day 6: Grim Horizons

(the number is the amount of meters in the portage.)

Day 2: Sobering Revelations

2011-01-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

Rise and shine. The second day begins.

A small fire was already going by the time I had risen, no one was in sight however. Shortly after putting on some water for tea, Chris made an appearance. He had a small tale to tell of how he was the first person to awake, and decided in his solitude to embrace the wilderness in the brisk, bare arsed, nude. To his surprise Renars was 2nd to rise, and just in time to catch him in the buff. About 10 minutes after hearing this story, the rest of us had risen, and were sitting having out tea, no Renars however. When all of a sudden Renars walks out of the woods as nude as the day he came into the world. Apparently because of his morning eyeful he decided it would be appropriate to spite all of us.

After tea and oatmeal we began to pack up and get ready to move on to our next destination. Today we were to finish the course of North Tea Lake, move on through Biggar Lake, and down the Birchcliffe River and Raven River to Raven Lake which would be our second camp sight.

After sitting a short while saying farewell to North Tea Lake for the better part of the next week, we geared up to hit the water.

Just as we were ready to make trail, the weather took a turn for the worse, and it was time to take the ponchos out.

We put paddle to water, and were off. Although the pace would not last, around the first bend we came near face to face with a large moose grazing in the lake.

Being the first time any of us had seen a moose up close and personal like this in all our years of outdoor adventuring, we took a few moments to savor the moment.

Back on the way, and a few portages, several kilometers of paddling, and another moose sitting, it was time to break. Some dried sausages, fruit, and smokes for lunch.

After maybe a 20 minute rest it was time to tackle lake Biggar. A fairly uneventful, but excruciatingly long paddle, we reached the entrance to Birchcliffe River.

This would be were our very sobering revelation would occur. About 10 minutes up river, we discovered that the path was completely unmaintained (we actually knew this going in, just didnt realize the extent of what it meant).

After approximately 20 minutes of struggling through the push, the next revelation would sink in. It was low tide on the river, and we were paddling in between 1-3 feet of water.

After maybe a half hour of battling our way through the low tide, constantly getting out of the canoe to pull it over obstacles, we decided it would be easier to just pull our canoes. We pulled our canoes for maybe another 30 minutes to an hour.

We finally found a campsite, a campsite we all felt we should have long passed. This was the point of the real revelation. We had trekked hard for nearly 2 hours to only make 1 to 2 km into what must have been a good 10-15 km total trek through the river, not including portages or the final paddle through raven lake. Exhausted, and mentally defeated, we decided to give a look to the campsite, and eventually all concurred it would be best to cut our route short, spend the night here, and back track the next day.

After setting camp I decided to survey the area some. After walking the trail, and encountering everything from moose shit to bear shit, I ended up in a large clearing.

Whilst walking through the clearing I noticed Moose tracks. If it wasn't clear that this was a heavy traffic area for animals before, it was now. As I continued to look around I found many more moose tracks.

I returned to camp after a short time, helped unload some gear, and with the last bit of day light, decided to go and continue my trek a little more. I got back to the clearing and decided to follow the moose track. It let me up a hill into a valley. I marched through the valley for a while, but eventually the eerie silence began to get to me, the thought of comming across an angry moose, or bear in the thick push weighing to heavily on my mind, I decided to return to camp.

I returned to camp as darkness began to settle. We got a roaring fire going, took out the vodka, and a box of wine. We got the grill out, and began to drink and cook. Tonight, the menu featured potato packages, diced potatoes, with onion and garlic, diced dried sausage, seasoned and tossed in olive oil, wrapped in tin foil.

After ravishing our food, we started to lay into the booze a bit more. Before long it was time for a round of drunk toad catching. I won.

And by my expression I not only won at catching the toad, it would seem I also won at getting pretty drunk too.

After a while we let our wee friend disappear into the night. And some short time later it was time for us to do the same. Tonight it was Chris, Matt, and Kel, in the big tent, and myself and Renars in the smaller.

Day 3-5: Drying Off Our Spirits... With Spirits!

Day 1: Vacation? Or Intensive Labour? One and the Same to a Canadian!

2010-12-30T12:56:00.000-08:00

So this passed summer we decided to take a 8 day trip out to Algonquin park. What possessed us to do this? Well, I'd say part determination, part foolishness, part over-confidence, and part pure madness. The 5 of us set out with a few provisions, 2 tents, 2 canoes, and enough hard liquor to damage us far more then any bear could attempt. We left bright and early one morning, as Tim, Kel, Chris, Matt, and Renars, only to return a mere 8 days later as The Crawfish King, Long Shitter, The Chocolatier, Lost & Found, and Beam. The tale of these names will be revealed throughout the story to follow.

As with all journeys this one started out typically enough. Which is to say with a 5 hour drive. We all met around 9 in the am and departed shortly there after.

After a quick fill up it was nothing but road, short of 1 quick toilet break. Roughly 4 and a half hours later we were passing through the last town before Algonquin Park. We stopped in for booze and last minute supplies (meat). We picked up loads of fresh meat just to last through the first night, as there wasn't too much portaging to do.

We arrived and registered by early afternoon. An 80$ fee for the 8 days we would spend in the park. With anticipation to get the trip moving we quickly went down to the lake, unpacked the cars, took down the canoes. We dipped out canoes into the lake, loaded them up with gear, and set off.

Now its at this point I feel I should mention we had 2 different types of canoe with us. The first canoe, a typical touring canoe. The second however, a river canoe, with no keel lines. Keel lines for those unfamiliarly with the term, are the lines along the bottom of the boat designed to keep it straight. Since the river canoe was larger, we had 3 people in it. I would take one of the first spots in the river canoe. Seemingly successful at first, we made about 50 feet out before losing control of the boat and spinning hopelessly in circles. After being left completely in the dust by our keel line inclined friends, we eventually caught up after losing control and wandering off course several times later. Finally, we all reached the river mouth we would take to the first portage.

I must say, I do reckon that this river was the most pleasant part of this day, or at least the most pleasant moment we would see till much later. The turns were easy to make in the river canoe, and making good speed, we were able to take rest here and there. After making it maybe 1/3 of the way in we stopped for a good length of time. We took out some beers, and the old cigarettes, kicked our feet up, cracked the cans, lit the smokes, and floated on a while.

Ah I tell ya, had we known the struggle the rest of the day would possess, we may never have left the river. However we were naive, and we picked our paddles up and continued on. Sometime down the river we met our first portage. Loaded with gear we took 2 trips despite it being a minuscule portage.

Upon the other side we met the next stretch of river, whilst shorter then the first was still a bit of a paddle to the next portage. After reaching the next, marginally longer portage, some of us started to feel the first bit of fatigue and hunger. We quickly managed through the portage, to reach the large lake we would have to traverse, known as North Tea Lake. We set off in motion, towards rest, food, and ale. However it would be a long travel to our destination. Approximately a 2 or 3 hour paddle.

We paddled well into the evening, and by the time our perseverance paid off and we made our destination, it was near dark.

The first thing I noticed upon docking in, was the rock bedding in front of our camp site was loaded with crawfish! Whilst everyone began unpacking I wandered the bay a little while seeing if I could catch any of the mud bugs.

Whilst crafty buggers, I eventually managed to pull one or twa from the water for a closer inspection.

Including this pair who were trying to get it on, when I rudely interrupted. Sorry there fella.

After 10 or 15 minutes in the bay with the crawfish I went up to the camp site to help set camp, gather wood, start fire, and cook dinner!

The tents went up quickly, and wood was gathered in the last bit of daylight, and again well into the darkness by means of flashlight.

With a roaring fire now built, some good size embers burning, it's cookin' time.

First up, extra large pork chops, hot dogs, and baked potatoes (as can be observed in the tin foil package on the bottom right).

After scarfin back the chops was time for a bit of a piss up. Followed by...

Burgers. And one with extra cheese. Chris likes his cheese.

After all was said and done, beers drank, food finished, all was left was to get the bear bait (food) into the trees.

And Chris with a bit of a dance to it.

And with that we called it a night. We had only 2 tents, the first night was myself, Matt, and Kel in the large tent, and Chris and Renars in the smaller.

Day 2: Sobering Revelations

To be continued...

A Quick One for December

2010-12-30T12:18:00.000-08:00

Hello all,

Tim here, your faithful culinary booze hound. Just wanted to post something quick, to assure you all that this place is not dead. I have some posts in the works, but with the holiday season in full swing, and work, and lets just say it, all the drinking, dining, and adventuring I have to do to gain material worth posting - well that take's its share of time on its own right.

Anyhow, will be back with some new material + the continuing of my back logged material in the new year!

Until then, Happy Holidays, safe travels, and a Happy New Year (and my hopes your hangover's aren't as bad as mine is sure to be!).

Cheers all, and until the new year,

The Devils Advocate,

Tim

Sausage Dog w/ Spicy Onions

2010-12-17T16:53:00.000-08:00

There is a hot dog vendor not too far from where I live. Now that shouldn't be surprising in a city of 10,000 hot dog vendors. How ever this one in particular stands out for 1 reason. Spicy onions. It is the only vendor in the city I have found that has the complimentary topping of spicy onions. I believe it's a mostly American trend, but have no idea really if its any more predominant down south.

So, not really having will to make the 15 minute walk to go to the stand, and a leftover sausage in the fridge, all I really needed was the onions!

To work I went!

I sliced 1 onion and began caramelizing it. After a just a few minutes I added about 2-3 tbs of brown sugar.

After incorporating the brown sugar, and cooking a few minutes longer, I added the remaining spices. Roughly 2 tsp paprika and chili powder, and 1 tsp cayenne, salt and pepper to taste.

After cooking in the spices for a few minutes I added the final ingredient, ketchup. Roughly 1/4-1/3 cup.

Bun toasted, sausage cooked, and topped with spicy onions! Mmm.

Gull Fest

2010-11-17T22:14:00.000-08:00

So this summer passed, I had an opportunity to go out to the Gull River Festival in Minden, ON. Located only a couple hours north of Toronto is the small town in Haliburton County. Every year they put on their annual white water kayaking competition.

After a short, and pleasant journey through the country, myself and my friend Kel arrived in Minden. Before going to find the camp grounds we stopped in town for lunch and beers. Kel ordered a plate of chicken fingers, they came out nice crisp and tender, not a hard order to fuck up, but always nice when done right. I ordered the poutine. It was good, lots of chips, lots of gravy, and lots of curds, my complaints - gravy was too mild in flavour, and the curds were far from fresh. Kel's brother Kirk whom we were to meet at the camp sight headed over and joined us for some beers. He also had the chicken fingers. Sorry no photo's, I didn't have my camera with me. I also cannot remember the name of the bar (the legendary something).

After lunch we made our way to the camp grounds to set up camp. We made it with tons of time to spare so after setting up camp, and getting the 24 onto ice, we got a fire going and sat around enjoying the leisure. Kirk was kind enough to offer out his already cold beer whilst ours chilled.

After having 4 or 5 we decided to make it down to the water for a little impromptu kayak lesson. Now I'm no stranger to the water - but I sure as hell ain't well versed with it either. That being said, as soon as we made waters edge (at the end of the rapid's being used for the white water competition) Kirk edged me on to go up onto the last drop off of the rapids and jump in with him. Now I'm no strong swimmer here, so jumping off a rock into rapids isn't something that grabs me as a bright idea. So I'm not sure if it was the alcohol, or the manly bravado running through my system, but I certainly manned up to the challenge.

Kirk was good enough to lend me his helmet. And with life jacket on off I went. It was an incredible rush. It was an even bigger rush when 30 seconds later I realized I should have already started swimming to shore and was being pushed out into the lake. So with all my might - and poor swimming ability, I struggled my way to shore, and I only ingested maybe 1/4 of the lake.

But my oh my, what an experience.

So after reaching shore, catching my breath, and calming the fuck down, it was off to our next activity. Kayaking. I've previously done my share of canoeing, so I figured how different could it be? Think again. A completely different thing entirely. From how you sit in it, to the difference in controlling it. Also, the bottom of a white water course, probably isn't the greatest place to learn how to sea kayak (flat water).

For a while there I had the hang of it, and was out there enjoying myself. Seemingly inevitably though, I finally tipped and went under. Whether I cut a wave the wrong way, or mearly made some unbenounced mistake, I cannot be sure as it was a brief flash and I was under. Believe you me, I only wish getting back to surface had been as easy as going under.

Whilst kayaking, you wear what is known as a skirt, its a large rubber article of clothing that sits around your waist and stretches over the side of the kayak. The purpose is to keep out water and keep you dry. Unfortunately I couldn't seem to grab the handle to pull it off, its no easy feet being suddenly put into water upside down and expected to grab a handle in some vague direction in front of you. Fortunately I managed to find it, rip it off, and get out with only a slight bump to the head from hitting the kayak. I got back in went back to shore and shortly there after we called it a day. I had seen enough of the water for that day.

We arrived back at camp, and to my relief, our beer was now cold. We cracked some open, and drank to the moment. A few hours later, and several dead tin soldiers, our last 2 compatriots arrived. The aptly named couple, Jack and Jill. It wasn't long into their arrival that they learned some valuable lessons. Like, don't arrive to a camp ground in the pitch black with little idea how to set up your tent. Also, don't try and blow up a king size mattress with a bicycle pump.

The bicycle pump was quickly abandoned for the marginally more successful manual, self filled technique.

After Jack and Jill settled in, we started to get some dinner together. I had some beef ribs marinated from the night before, some in a sweet soy-asian pear combination, and others in a spicier Korean chili paste.

The ribs were all tasty, although the hazard of cooking over a camp fire, some got a little over charred.

After the ribs we enjoyed some grilled corn, and grilled slabs of Menonite sausage.

We awoke next morning to the booming voice of an announcer. The White Water Competition was off to what sounded like a cracking start. After a little coaxing I managed to get myself up. A bit of juice, and some morning snacks and it was off to see the boaters.

Some truly impressive people, doing some things that were quite incredible to watch.

These poor bastards took a bit of a spill however.

But they went right back at it.

We stuck around and watched the competition for a bit. We then went back into town for a few more odd and end supplies.

Upon returning we got another fire going in preparation for lunch.

I had brought some home made burgers, stuff with chili-infused margarine, we topped them with pepper jack cheese, bacon, and homemade guacamole and chipotle mayonnaise.

After lunch we were ready to get back to the water.

This time Jack was getting the Kayak lesson, and I took out the snorkel set.

I had never previously been snorkeling so it was a brand new experience. I quite enjoyed myself. Whilst searching the bottom of the lake I found myself a set of deer antlers. I also spotted a few large fish, but they were too quick to catch.

We cut our lake visit short this time, and went back to camp for alcohol hour. We grabbed some beers, had a few bourbons, and decided it was time to give the Frisbee a whirl.

Whilst good fun, one can only kick over so many drinks before changing the activity. We again made way to camp, and got the liquor flowing. It was a very amusing night. But like all nights with an abundance of alcohol, one cannot help but ending up looking something like this.

Now with one final day left, we made our way back to town to rent a canoe, as Jill had never been canoeing before. An uneventful journey, to the boat shop and back again. On the way back we stopped by a farm with some horses near the gate. We all grabbed some near by shrubbery and gave the horsies a treat.

Kel took the sea kayak, kirk his white water kayak, Jack and Jill in the canoe, and myself back with the snorkel set. This day I took to swimming as close as I could to the rapids and then swimming into them with the snorkel set on. Good fun. After a while I joined Jack and Jill in the canoe, and we paddled the lake with Kel along side in the kayak.

We only stopped once, so I could climb a hill (had reservations as well as regrets about doing it in bare feet) to see the view from the peak.

Sometime later the day wrapped up, the next morning we had a farewell breakfast, and we all packed up and got ready to come back to Toronto. On our way back, Kel, Kirk, and I stopped in at a Kawartha dairy location for some of their famous ice cream. It was quite good. All in all a good weekend away. I recommend this fest to anyone in or passing through Ontario in August. Its a small fest, and from what I'm to gather not well known about.

Greek-Arab Fusion

2010-11-15T12:18:00.000-08:00

So within the grillin' season this summer passed, I decided to work some fusion with Greek style Kebab's. I made 2 batches, 1 using lamb, the other beef. Sauces were a falafel style hot sauce, and a tzaziki sauce. And for toppings I used tomato, lettuce, red onion, feta and cucumbers. They were served on Greek Pita's.

The hot sauce was made with Harissa paste, tomato sauce, parsley, and garlic. I cant remember the proportions unfortunately.

The key to a successful tzaziki is to use Greek yogurt. Using sour cream, or any other regular yogurt will leave you with the wrong consistency, and the wrong flavour. I added a few cloves of garlic, approximately 1/2 a cucumber seeded, peeled and minced, and a bunch of mint leaves (can be substituted for dill), and lemon zest.

The meat mixture contained roughly 1 lb meat (beef or lamb), 1/4 cup feta, chopped mint and parsley, 1 small onion, and a few cloves of garlic.

Pita's were lightly oiled and grilled. Everything turned out exceptionally.

El Trompo, Tacos al pastor

2010-11-06T23:49:00.000-07:00

So some time ago while walking through the Kensington Market - hungry - my companion and I decided to stop for some Mexican grub. The place, as said in the title, is El Trompo, Tacos Al Pastor. Located just off of College street on Augusta.

I cannot recall if the nacho chips were complimentary or if we ordered them, or maybe they came with the Guacamole. There was a complimentary Salsa Verde however - which was quite tasty with just the right amount of heat.

The chips them selves were good as well. Thick, sturdy, but not had and unpleasant.

The guacamole was rich, thick, and very tasty.

For beverages we had guava margarita's. They were quite nice, I've never ventured to margarita flavours outside of the traditional lime, so it was a welcome change of pace.

For mains we split the Taco's Al Pastor (being within the name of the restaurant it seemed like a straight forward choice). They arrived on what seemed like house made tortillas with well seasoned piece of pork, onions, cilantro, and pineapple. Whilst not as plentiful or filling as perhaps would have been desired, non the less they were tasty, and a welcomed departure for the fast food taco's Ive eaten most of my life.

Shrimp Po' Boys

2010-11-06T23:16:00.000-07:00

So missing the good food of New Orleans I made some Shrimp Po' Boys for nostalgia sake.

After a quick trip to the grocery to pick up some fresh buns, I defrosted some "tiger" shrimp. I made a quick seasoned flour for dusting (mixed in Zatarain's creole seasoning), and put together an egg wash with a couple table spoons of creole mustard cut in (mustard was kozliks a local Toronto mustard company). And for the crust I just used fine grain cornmeal (I prefer, and would recommend to use the medium but didn't have any).

For toppings, I used, mayonnaise on one side, creole mustard on the other. Lettuce, tomato, pickles, and the shrimp were topped with a Creole Remulade.

For the Creole Remulade, I used Mayonnaise, capers, Cajun spice, Louisiana hot sauce, horseradish, brown sugar, green onion, garlic, red onion, lemon juice and creole mustard. Unfortunately I cannot recall the proportions, I will fiddle with it sooner or later and get them up here.

Thats all for now, see you all again.

It's... ALIVE!

2010-11-05T21:16:00.000-07:00

Hello once and again,

I have decided to continue this blog once again. I cannot guarantee frequency of posts, or when I can get something substantial up. However that being said I do have a back log of material to work with. So with any luck I will have some time to get some stuff up.

Thanks to all you readers out there, I shall do my damnedest to keep you entertained.

Cheers,

Tim

The Devil's Advocate.

The End?

2010-08-04T20:40:00.000-07:00

Hello all.

This may be my final post. I am considering retiring this blog. It's not a choice of preference, I just can't see continuing here. I hope to reconsider, but for now at least I will not be updating.

Sincerely,

The Devils Advocate, Tim.

Oh, My Ballz!

2010-07-21T12:45:00.000-07:00

Who knew that going to the Taiwanese night market at Metro Square (Steeles and Warden) that those 3 words would be what stuck with me most. But the origin of those 3 words and why they would stick in my head will come later.

For those of you who don't know Taiwanese night markets are market areas set up in public spaces filled with vendors (mostly food vendors). So should the opportunity arise for you to go to one, go with an appetite.

We arrived at late evening (which is one reason the quality of photos degrades, as my camera doesn't take the best night pictures, the huge crowds being the other). After trekking through the mall area to get to the market grounds (and being harassed by several stem cell research volunteers) we got to the over crowded market. The first thing to notice, was the much talked about scent in the air. Coming off Taiwan's national, and infamous dish, smelly tofu. Now there could not be a more appropriate name for a food, as this stuff stinks to high hell. I mean buckets of animal shit rotting under the sun. A smell so sharp it cuts like a winter wind. We made quick to pass this area (with huge lines at each of them).

We got around to the other side, and found the meat skewer stands. Now that's what I'm talking about! Fantastic skewered meats roasting over charcoals, seasoned in proprietary blends of cumin and chili powder, and what ever else. We immediately got in line for 8 lamb skewers (for the seemingly high price of 10$).

The skewers were well spiced, well cooked, and very tasty.

Next my friends Jack and Jill (yep that's right) went to get Japanese style octopus balls. I went to get some clams, which were sold out so I got mussels.

The mussels were cold when we got them I had a few and went to get something cooked. I went to get some grilled squid, whilst my friend Kel lined up for more skewers. Jack and Jill were still no where to be found.

The squid was chewy, not very well spiced, and cold. Not that pleasant.

The second patch of skewers, this time a variety of chicken, beef, and lamb, were under spiced, but still tasty.

At this point in the evening, whilst still waiting for Jack and Jill to return, Kel ventured out to find some more stuff. Sometime later Jack and Jill returned with the plate of deep fried octopus balls. Now some of you may be thinking, is this what he meant by 'Oh my ballz'? No it isn't keep reading. Hah.

Very tasty, at first (since I didn't know what they were) thought it was a sweet thing, but when I tasted it and it was savory thought it to be chicken. Although on my second I realized it was in fact the Japanese treat of octopus deep fried in batter.

Now Kel has still been missing for sometime since Jack and Jill returned. So they ventured out to get (to my dismay) a dish of stinky tofu for us to eat. About half hour later, and still no Kel, Jack and Jill return with 2 containers of stinky tofu. Now, I'm not usually one to pass up trying something, but from the fact I could smell it through the closed container, I had my reservations.

Fortunately Kel returned in the nick of time with 2 large pineapples, filled with juice.

2 hulking pineapples filled with juice. Mmm Mmm Mmm. Delicious. Just what I need, a tasty beverage to wash down what was one of the most offensive smelling foods I've ever eaten. I worked up my courage and plowed a massive piece of stinky tofu into my mouth. Now at first it didn't seem so bad, hardly any flavour. But the more I chewed, the more the taste came out. And the more the taste came out, the less I wanted to swallow. The more I started to swallow the more I wanted to vomit. It tasted exactly like it smelt. Eventually after 5 minutes of chewing I swallowed, and quickly washed down with pineapple juice, but nothing could get the taste out. If you eat stinky tofu, and enjoy it, I say kudos to you. This was one delight, I could not delight in.

After finish the pineapple juice, Kel and I decided to walk the market grounds and see what we might find.

Yes this is it! The moment that made my night folks. If only I could have captured the sound of the Chinese guy outside it yelling "Oh! My Ballz!" into a microphone in a bad Chinese accent to draw attention.

On the loop back around we stopped for bubble tea at a stand next to a stinky tofu stand, it was a long wait. We got a mango kiwi slush each, although they forgot about mine a few times, I think they just wanted us to soak in the stinky tofu aroma.

After which we met back with the rest of the group, and it was time for dessert.

Dessert was something I had been quite curious about since seeing the vendor name on the website. Marbolicious, stir-fried ice cream.

Now I'm not exactly a stranger to deep fried ice cream, but stir fried? Now that's a new one.

It seemed they had cast iron plates that they were placing the ice cream and toppings on, and using to large spatulas to rotate the ice cream. Although I admit, due to the crowds it was hard to actually see what was going on.

I ordered the fruit explosion, consisting of frozen shaved berries. Now I'm not exactly sure how stir-frying it helped the flavour, maybe it was just a gimmick. But I know this, it sure was tasty.

Summer Burgers Part 2, Mojito's, and Home Pickled Jalapenos

2010-07-20T10:42:00.000-07:00

I cooked up the second patch of burgers at a friends place. We cooked them up and served with mojitos.

The mojitos were made with lamb's rum, simple syrup, mint and lime. Roughly 8 mint leaves muddled, 2 oz rum, 3 oz syrup, a half lemon squeezed, topped with ice.

The burgers were fairly simple, more apple wood smoked cheddar, bacon, homemade pickled jalapenos (pickled in vinegar, water, with cilantro, garlic, onion, cauliflower, carrot, peppercorn) (the cauliflower is in there to pickle spicy to make olive salad for muffaletta), jalapeno buttermilk ranch, and grilled portabello slices.

The jalapeno ranch was made with 1 cup mayonnaise, 1/2 cup sour cream, 1/2 cup buttermilk, 2 cloves garlic, 2 jalapenos, 1/4 red onion, 1/4 bunch cilantro, processed, then fresh cracked black pepper was stirred in.